Note to Sarah: Don’t Forget John’s Birthday!

Dear Sarah,

I know you have recently been campaigning for John McCain in Arizona in his race for re-election to the Senate.  Of course you feel a debt of gratitude. Your nomination by John, as hurried as it may have been, catapulted you into the national scene, making millions of dollars for you and your family members.  How lucky for you that a girl from Wasilla, Alaska with a very limited education and history in public service could be chosen for one of the highest offices in the country.  How lucky for you that you won the Miss Wasilla Beauty Pageant, so you were well qualified in the eyes of John McCain.  I know you hadn’t gotten to travel much outside of Alaska before your nomination.  Now, thanks to John McCain, you have gotten to travel all over the country by private plane.  I know before the election that no one cared about baby pictures of your grandchild, but now magazines will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for the pictures.  I know before this election you didn’t have a lot of friends, but now you have over a million on Face Book!  Way to go Sarah.

The Arizona Senate race won’t actually occur until November of 2010.  John will be having a birthday before then, and I wanted to give you plenty of time to make all the arrangements for an appropriate party.  On Aug 29^th John will turn 74 years old.  Wow!  John is amazing!  If he makes it to his birthday, he will have outlived his own life-expectancy.  Most men in the United States are lucky to live to the age of 74( http://www.efmoody.com/estate/lifeexpectancy.html) but John isn’t letting that minor detail deter his race for yet another term.  Maybe it’s a good thing that he doesn’t use a computer so he doesn’t know what his life expectancy is.  If he is elected in November, and if he lives out his full term of six years, he would then be 80 years old! He is a high achiever for sure!

Precautions you might want to consider for his party:

1. Have am EMT standing by just in case there is a medical emergency.  During the election there was an issue about whether he was a potential candidate for a stroke. (See, McCain gets lost on stage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZW- 9zA0x5Sg&annotation_id=annotation_576692&feature=iv;

See also, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haIAN02tlLM

McCain’s Left Eye Droops (Video) | Bitten and Bound

Sep 25, 2008 )  It’s his left eye that seems to give him problems so take the birthday photos from his right side.

2.  Let Cindy buy the gifts as she still has more money than you.

3.  Don’t invite Lilly Ledbetter to the party as John didn’t vote for fair pay for her and I think Lilly is still a little miffed about that.  She also would have a hard time affording a gift since she was underpaid for most of her career.

4.  Don’t invite Justice Sonia Sotomayor.  I know  John thought :

“There is no doubt that Judge Sotomayor has the professional background and qualifications that one hopes for in a Supreme Court nominee.  She is a former prosecutor, served as an attorney in private practice and spent twelve years as an appellate court judge.  She is an immensely qualified candidate.”  See, http://mccain.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=PressOffice.PressReleases&ContentRecord_id=e19df6c4-e904-c08f-10fc-df5dcddebda2

but he still voted against her confirmation.

5.  Tell Cindy and Meghan to take the duct tape off their mouths so they can sing happy birthday….remember the duct tape they put over their mouths when they were protesting the don’t ask-don’t tell policy.

6.  Don’t let John tell any jokes at the party as some of the women attending the party might not think his jokes about rape are very funny.

7.  If a lot of John’s friends can’t make it, maybe you could get some of the older people from the local nursing home to come…you know the ones in the wheelchair and using the walker who served as the witnesses for your wedding.  Oh yeah, they probably are no longer around, so maybe you could take some of your kids since their school seems to allow them to miss school any time you wish.

Good Luck and have a great party!   Malia