E-Mail from Alaska Attorney General to Todd Palin: The Circle of Life

The following is fiction. It is not true. John Burns, the Attorney General of Alaska never sent Todd Palin this e-mail, or if he did I wouldn’t know about it. Because over 2000 emails were withheld or redacted, we may never know the extent of the e-mails that were generated from and to the Governor’s office. The list of document withheld was 189 pages. That’s not 189 pages of documents withheld, but the list of the thousands of documents that the Government of Alaska withheld was 189 pages. Sean Parnell, the Governor who took office after Palin resigned,

was the same person who appointed John Burns as the Attorney General, and it’s the Attorney General in Alaska who is the final arbiter of any ethics claims that relate to Sean Parnell or Sarah Palin. Thus the governmental arrangement in Alaska is that the person charged with making sure the current and past Governor comply with the Alaska Ethics Code is a person appointed by the current or past Governor. Sean Parnell is the same person who came to power by the grace of God and Sarah Palin. Sean Parnell, the current Governor of Alaska, who derived all of his power and influence in Alaska from Sarah Palin, is the same guy who decided what e-mails should be withheld or redacted. Thus, put your coffee down, get some Kleenex, and laugh with me at the Expense of Sarah and Todd Palin, Sean Parnell, and John Burns.

**************************************************************

This e-mail was found in a dumpster, with some used condoms that advertised the words, “Sarah Palin in 2012.” 

 

Date: (smeared)

From: John B.

To: The First Dude

Re: The Circle of Life

Hey Dude!

Fishin with u this weekend was great! Bristol Bay rocks! I’ll bring the beer next time.

I jus wanna remind u that I won the contest fur the biggest fish.

You can pay up the last weekend of the month. The wife is gunna b gone to visit her mom in the lower 48 so anytime your girls have time that Sat. or Sunday would be fine with me. Just tell them to stagger the time they arrive so it’s not obvious that three are visiting at the same time.

As I was drivin home from Bristol Bay and the sun was setting

I had a moment of clarity, of inspiration, and I think I heard God singing a song to me. He sounded a lot like Elton John, but Elton’s gay, so I’m sure God was not trying to imitate him.

Ya know. When Sarah resigned she caused Sean to become the Governor. He appointed me. I saved you and Sarah a ton of money and grief when I dismissed that Ethics Complaint filed by that ugly blogger, that Litman girl. Now I get my own TLC reality show, Common Sense Corruption. I make $1,000,000 for doing the show. The people of Alaska pay for it through tax credits. British Petroleum buys the tax credits for a fraction of the deduction they get to offset their billions from drilling on the North Slope. You used to work on the North Slope, so you naturally get reimbursed for back pay from BP. Sarah gets her presidential campaign funded by BP, which doesn’t have the appearance of impropriety since she quit her job. Everyone gets what they deserve. It’s like the Circle of Life.

It’s all clear to me now. I understand that everything is inter-related.

You don’t have a college degree, and neither do your kids.

I have a law degree, but it is from a college that no longer exists.

Alaska doesn’t have a law school, so we don’t have to follow the law.

Bristol has a child but is a Virgin.

Sarah lost the election but is Undefeated.

The Palin family believes in abstinence, and Sarah, her mother, Bristol, and Track’s wife all abstained from using birth control.

Sarah Palin was appointed to the Oil & Gas commission as the Ethics officer, and she resigned when she was done being ethical.

Sarah’s television show was named “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” because it was a reality show and the reality is that she owns the people in control of the state.

Sarah said in Sarah Palin’s Alaska that she’d rather be a celebrity playing outdoors than in some stuffy old office, so she quit.

Sarah says she loves Alaska, like she loves her family. She leaves her family like she leaves Alaska.

Sarah bends the law and she will only drink from bendable straws.

Sarah didn’t know where Ronald Reagan went to college but she acted as if she did.  She also didn’t know who Paul Revere was, or where he want to college, but acted as if she did.

Sarah has spoken about “squirmishes,”  and knows about them because of her experience with you. 

Sarah thinks the North Koreans are our allies  because the only friends she has are those she has paid off.

Sarah works with Fox News, so they know her limitations well.

Sarah tells the government to get out of the way, because as Mayor of Wasilla and as Governor of Alaska, she helped the government go broke, so we have no more money to give her.

The Anchorage Police Department and the Alaska Attorney General are “public servants” so they are doing their job if they serve Sarah Palin.

If the Governor can’t get her relatives out of jail who can? When Diana, your sister was caught burglarizing a house on several occasions, with the help of her small child, Sarah got the charges reduced to a misdemeanor. When Track, Bristol, and Willow all had problems with the law the only real problem they had was deciding which police officer they wanted to drive them home.

There are an estimated 400,000 teen births to unwed mothers annually in the United States, which is more than half the population of Alaska.  Those babies are often abandoned by their fathers, and the people of Alaska are often abandoned by their politicians.

Sarah doesn’t favor raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans, and she is one of the wealthiest Americans.