Palin Family Code of Ethics

Of course this Code of Ethics is fictional, and compliance with it is purely fantasy. We know the Palin family has no moral code, so this is written for your entertainment only. BEWARE: Use caution while reading this post. Consumption of liquids for the next 3 minutes may be hazardous to ventilation and jeopardize the longevity of your keyboard.

 

PALIN FAMILY CODE OF ETHICS

 

Whereas, the Palin family has been associated with a colorful bus seen on the east coast which is now the object of a trademark violation; and

Whereas, at least one member of the Palin family has insinuated that Paul Revere was a traitor; and

 

Whereas, some members of the Palin family have been associated with a motorcycle gang, whose name includes a reference to the home of the devil; and

Whereas, the Palin family has been known to embarrass itself by involvement in what some members of the mainstream media might unfairly label as “unethical behavior”; and

Whereas, the Palin family includes burglars, drunks, pot heads, unwed teenagers, people involved with prostitutes, and hunters and fisherpeople without licenses; and

Whereas, the Palin family has been known for violating safety ordinances of Alaska such as seat belt laws; and

Whereas, the Palin family has been known for lies; and

Whereas, some of the Palin family have become proponents of childhood obesity; and

Whereas, some members of the Palin family have used poor judgment regarding sexual relations; and

Whereas, the Palin family desires to become occupants of the White House;

NOW THEREFORE, henceforth the Palin family shall make every attempt to comply with this the Palin Family Code of Ethics. Failure to comply with this Code will result in a fine payable to Sarah, the amount of which will be at her discretion.

1. Any time any member of the Palin family has sex, they promise that they will:

a. Not sell the pictures until getting three bids.

b. Declare their commitment to abstinence before and after intercourse.

c. Ensure that a nanny is in place to care for the child before birth.

d. If pregnancy results, announce your engagement to a partner of your choosing, as long as the partner is someone you have had sexual relations with in the previous two years. The announcement should occur before the birth of the baby, and if the wedding should occur at least two weeks before the birth, there will be adequate time for a shower.

e. If the wedding plans do not materialize, you may not admit to additional sexual relations with other people unless and until you have a signed contract for the filming of a new reality television show.

2. Any time any member of the Palin family pays for sex you must:

a. Get a good deal.

b. Demand a receipt.

c. Pay cash.

d. Within 24 hours of intercourse you must submit a written press release to the Palin family lawyer to be given to the Anchorage Police Department to be issued at the appropriate time.

e. Destroy any physical evidence of the encounter, including but not limited to used condoms.

f. No Palin offspring henceforth shall be named for any prostitute.

3. If any member of the Palin immediate or extended family should engage in a criminal act, you must promise to :

a. Instruct any children who might accompany you in the commission of the criminal act to demand an attorney before answering any questions.

b. If arrested, ask for Police Chief Mew’s phone to make your call. He has our attorney Mr. Van Flein on his speed dial.

c. Governor Parnell has promised only one Palin family pardon per year, so plan carefully!

d. Trig is available any time for an alibi, but he resides in Wasilla so you may only rely upon his help if the crime occurs within a 100 mile radius of Wasilla.

4. Paul Revere is dead so he will not be ringing any warning bells to warn that the police are coming.

5. Because Sarah resigned as Governor, the Palin family can no longer plan on support from the citizens of Alaska, unless a film is involved. PAC money is still available but it is anticipated that the retired and unemployed people giving money will exhaust all of their savings within the next two years, so put your request into Mr. Crawford as soon as possible. Thank You notes can be very lucrative.

6. Speaking of thank you notes, remember to always send thank you notes and enclose copies of Sarah’s two books, Bristol’s book, and a DVD of Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The storage facility is overflowing, so that would be an indication that members of the Palin family are not thankful enough.

7. Use of any illegal drugs is prohibited, unless consumed in the presence of another person who could be blamed if the Palin family member should be arrested.

8. Trig is only available for photo ops Monday through Saturday when his nanny can transport him to and from the event. Sunday is the day of rest for the nanny, and the Sunday sitter is unfamiliar with his routine.

9. Before telling a lie check with Sarah’s Journal of Lies. The lies are organized by date and cross-referenced by topic. Sarah is the mother of family’s lies, so consult with her for advice before fabricating an untruth.

10. The Palin family stands for animal rights and is committed to recycling to promote environmental awareness. Thus any animal killed by any member of the Palin family will be used completely. If there is no market for stuffing of the entire animal, all parts will be mounted.

11. No member of the Palin family is allowed to use hateful names to describe our enemies, unless that enemy is homosexual. If so they deserve God’s wrath, and your too. Any hateful remarks will bring you closer to God, and to Sarah.

12. God is the final arbiter of unethical activity, so if in doubt consult Sarah