Good Tidings and Great Joy: Putting the “E” Back in Easter

Sarah Palin has just announced she plans to pen a new series of books, designed to take us back to the true meaning of holidays. Inspired by her last block-buster book on Christmas,

highlighting the sweet smell of boiled bear heads that filled the house during the holiday season, this will be the second in the series. As if an after-thought, since Easter has passed, Sarah shows that it is never too late to celebrate Easter, or a birthday…and it is the spirit of the celebration that is important, not the day you celebrate the occasion. “Better late than never” is the mantra of the Palin family, and Birthdays and Easter are no exception. If not a guide for this year’s Easter Celebration, maybe you can put the book on the shelf, and pull it out annually to help you put the “E” back in Easter. Here are a few of the Palin family traditions that you can incorporate into your own family traditions. It would be an Amazing America is every family bought a book and celebrated the true meaning of Easter, exercising their all important second amendment rights.

1. Exterminate Bunnies. Bunnies are a nuisance. They eat the vegetables in your garden. They don’t practice safe sex. Their eggs are a nuisance, causing cuts to the feet of special needs children, and attracting rats and snakes who are foolish enough to think that there is still a scrumptious bunny in the egg. Exterminate bunnies from your yard annually on Easter…or whenever you celebrate it.

2. Envelope the Epidermis. “We kill so we can decorate.” That is also the motto of the Palin family. “Nothing wasted,” that is also the Palin family motto. All the bunnies that were shot for Easter should be skinned and their pelts make terrific

earmuffs, toilet lid covers,

Kleenex box adornments, hand towels for the kitchen, pillows

and smokin hot boots.

God wants us to honor his creations by decorating our homes with reminders of his magnificence.

3. Eliminate Common Household Odors. There is nothing sweeter than the smell of boiling bunnies to brighten the Easter morning of your family. After you have shot and skinned your bunnies, you can make bunny chili for your family to enjoy as they celebrate the holiday with you…on whatever day you celebrate the Easter.

4. Educate Everyone. If there is one thing the Palin family is known for it is education. From a mastery of American history

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS4C7bvHv2w

to world geography,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oEylpSsOsQ

to the importance of using God given secretions for proper grooming,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z42VFchucnU

Easter is a time to celebrate the importance of education.

5. Election of Common Sense Conservative Politicians. Because most elections come in November, the Palins often celebrate Easter in November by “electing” Tea Party candidates. There is an “E” in Jesus, and in “Tea Party” Candidates, but there is no “E” in Rapublicans or Dimocrats.

6. Embrace Differences. The Palin family is all about enclusiveness. It is no accident that there is an “E” in “white” and three “E’s” in “heterosexual.” It is important to note that there is no “E” in Black, Asian, Hipanic, or homo.

7. Emphasize the Emportance of Embryos. Easter is a time to celebrate birth and the importance of human embryos. “Baby” doesn’t have an “E” in it so there is no need to focus on the child after birth. It is the potential of life that we celebrate on Easter, whether that life is later found in prisons, mental institutions, or a hospital on life support.

8. Empty your Pocket Books. Easter is a time to give to SarahPAC to fund essential travel in private planes and chauffer driven black Suburbans. Give often. Give extremely.

9. Enlarge your breasts. What better time to enhance your bust line than Easter? Pink is one of the colors of Easter, and pink shirts look better with bigger boobs.

10. Erect an anatomically correct monument to your husband. Easter is a time to celebrate the differences found in husbands, especially if they are bi-colored.

11. Explore Eskimo heritage. Easter is a time that we contemplate the “E” in Eskimo so we remember the Eskimos who emergrated from Europe.

12. Eyes. Easter is a time to celebrate all espects of eyes. From the eye lids that the dr raised , to the eyebrows that the cosmetologist enhanced, to the eyeglasses that hide our lazy eyes, to the warm eyeballs cut out of the head of a moose that your dad presents to you, Easter is a time to remember the emportance of eyes.