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Sarah Palin is so stupid that…
1. When she hears its chilly outside, she gets a bowl.
2. She thought Hamburger Helper came with a friend
3. She got locked in a grocery store and starved!
4. She had two M&M’s in her ears and thought she was listening go Eminem.
5. When I told her to leave a voice mail she walked all the way to my house and screamed in my mailbox.
6. She thought Fleetwood Mac was a new hamburger at McDonalds!
7. She thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg’s holiday album.
8. She thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team.
9. She gave birth to Track on the I-75 because she heard that’s where accidents happen.
10. She called Bristol, and then asked for her phone number.
11. When Todd said “the drinks are on the house” she got a ladder.
12. She thought the harlem shake was a drink.
13. The first time she used a vibrator she broke her two front teeth.
14. She sprayed a tree with Axe body spray and thought it would fall down.
15. She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center for Trig.
16. When the questionnaire asked sex? She put in M F and sometimes Wednesday.
17. Under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”
18. She put lipstick on her forehead, to help her makeup her mind if she should run for President in 2016.
19. It took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
20. She told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.
21. When a man went to her house and said let me in……..she opened the door and then pulled her pants down.
22. She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
23. She could trip over a cordless phone!
24. She bought a solar-powered flashlight!
25. When she went to Taco Bell instead of ordering a Taco Bell Grande, she asked for the newest brand of Mexican phone.
26. She thought Tiger Woods was a forest in India.
27. When Todd passed out unconscious from too much alcohol and drugs, she called 911 and asked for the number for emergencies.
28. She stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
29. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
30. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
31. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.
32. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
33. At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”… she put “Acquarrius.”(compliments of stillregina)
34. She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
35. When she drove to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home.
36. She thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer.
37. When asked what the capital of California was; Sarah answered “C.”
38. After quitting a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
39. Piper told her she needed a new color tv and Sarah said “What Color?”
40. Sarah was on the corner giving out potato chips, yelling, “Free Lays!”.
41. (compliments of Annie) Sarah thinks that urination is a country in Europe.
42. (compliments of View from Here) She thought that Peter Pan referred to the plumbing at Shailley’s place.
43. (compliments of Steve) Sarah thought Simon & Garfunkel was a Jewish law firm.
Click here to see hilarious family photos.
AN ELDERLY ITALIAN, CATHOLIC GENTLEMAN
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy ,
went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the
panel in the confessional, the man said:
“Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”
The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
need to confess that.”
“There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”
The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did,
you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However,
if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”
“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one
“And what is that?” asked the priest.
“Should I tell her the war is over? ”
Whatever you think of Bill Maher, he does ask an insightful question.
The Atlantic provides an insiteful review of the potential candidates. While they discuss Sarah Palin, when she will announce her intentions is listed as “it doesn’t really matter.”
The only one they left out was Betty White.
Thank you BW for sharing this explanation from John Cleese about why Fox News is incapable, like Sarah Palin, of ever understanding how clueless they are.