Emme Meijer 1000 De Waagtoren Kornwerderzard, Netherlands
June 17, 2010
Dearest Half-Term-Ex-Governor Palin:
I have a dear friend who lives in Louisiana, but is originally from the Netherlands. Her name is Doortje (meaning “Gift of God”) Van Dijk (meaning of “Dike”). Before lapsing into a coma, Doortje asked me to write to you to explain a few things. Doortje has been afflicted with PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome) since September of 2008. She thought it would have gotten better after the election, but alas, you keep talking on national television. Your recent interview with Bill O’Reilly precipitated the coma, and I am not sure if she will recover.
Doortje’s, last words before falling into a state of unconsciousness were, “Sarah Palin is a dumb ass”. I explained to Doortje that while “dumb ass” might be a technically accurate description, there are many more socially correct adjectives from which she could choose. The list I gave her included stupid, ignorant, foolish, deranged, clueless, mentally impaired, unintelligent, nonsensical, and mentally handicapped. Unfortunately, Doortje may never regain consciousness, so I will always remember her fondly by her parting words.
In case Doortje ever regains consciousness, I seek divine intervention, praying that you will refrain from uttering another word about the oil spill in Louisiana. It was bad enough when you chanted “drill baby drill”, then “stall baby stall”. Then you had the gall to suggest on your Facebook that the spill was the fault of the environmentalists, some of whom were out trying to rescue wildlife in the Gulf region. Until now you have been very clever to avoid discussion of any policies. You have limited your speeches and comments to criticism, rather than articulating (that means talking) any policies for which you stand.
I know that you said in your book Going Rogue that you were an expert in energy, and I know John McCain agreed. Yet virtually the only form of energy produced in Alaska is oil and you seem to lack expertise in even drilling and production. Certainly the development of oil in Alaska is on-shore, so most people would not expect you to know anything about off-shore drilling. Your education would not suggest that you ever took a course in energy development. My understanding is that you majored in broadcast journalism, and worked as a sportscaster, not a commentator on energy development. Todd worked for BP for 18 years, and the only way that would make you an expert would be if he shared with you examples of the failure of BP to comply with safety and environmental standards. Since you did nothing to combat the repeated failures of BP in Alaska, I assume Todd didn’t share that with you. If he did, that would count as abandonment of the people of Alaska, wouldn’t it?
In your recent interview with Bill O’Reilly, you suggested that there were two points you would make to President Obama, if anyone asked for your input. I think the only person who asked for your input was Bill O’Reilly, and I doubt he will ask you again. In your answer you indicated that you would tell the President to stop the leak. However even Bill O’Reilly indicated that nobody knows how to stop the leak! By saying this you lost any credibility because you have repeatedly advocated LESS governmental intrusion into our lives. You have repeatedly suggested that we were better off to rely upon the private sector.
The second wisdom you imparted was that we should consult with experts in the Netherlands and build a dike. It was this comment that sent Doortje into a coma. In case Doortje doesn’t pull through, let me share a few facts with you in hopes that you will refrain in the future from offering any suggestions about anything.
The Netherlands is a low-lying country, with about 20% of its land located below sea level, and 50% of its land less than 1 meter above sea level.
Significant land area in the Netherlands has been gained as a result of land reclamation through an elaborate system of polders and dikes. Thus the only reason the Netherlands was able to build dikes was because the land reclaimed was so close to the surface of the ocean, and the dikes could be build on existing land just below the surface of the ocean.
If you still don’t understand, here is a picture of a dike that will help you understand the notion that dikes can only be built when the surface of the ocean is very close to the surface of the land.
Dikes were never built to address any type of oil spill. In fact the Netherlands depends upon energy imports for oil. The use of renewable energy sources for power generation has caused the Netherlands to become a significant country in terms of installed wind power capacity.
The Deepwater Horizon is called that because the well head is DEEP! It is located 5000 feet below the surface. The current surface area of the spill covers at least 2500 square miles, and hundreds of miles of beach are at risk. The drilling that resulted in the worst environmental disaster is U.S. history occurred approximately 41 miles from shore. Suffice it to say that the Netherlands has never dealt with an environmental catastrophe 41 miles off shore resulting from deep water drilling at a depth of 5000 feet. Even the children in the Netherlands would laugh at you if you suggested building a dike 41 miles from shore where the ocean floor was 5000 feet deep.
I know you resigned your position on the Oil & Gas Commission after serving less than one year, and you resigned you position as Governor of Alaska after serving only half of that term. Perhaps you should consider also resigning from your position at Fox “News”. They would probably pay you to leave, and to stop talking. I know the people of Louisiana would appreciate it if you would stop talking about building dikes. If you stop talking maybe Doortje will make it out of her coma, and she will discover that it was God’s plan to facilitate the cessation of any verbal communication from you.
Just when we thought you couldn’t do anything to embarrass yourself more than you did in the Katie Couric interviews, you surprised us. By writing on your hand you indicated you couldn’t remember even three words, and you got confused about those and had to cross one off. When the cameras caught your hand on tape, you suggested that it was God-like to write on your hand. Maybe you will find a way to justify such a dumb ass comment about dikes, but I am afraid the explanation will likely be as unbelievable as the original statement. You have an exceptional gift of fooling people, but I am afraid you have compromised even that.
A fool and his money are soon parted. You have a lot of money, so before you are parted with it, give it to someone else to manage for you before you invest it in a new dike building start-up company, or before you purchase a call option on dike building equipment, hoping that the price will go up.