Sarah Palin Sets the Record Straight

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.  ~Aldous Huxley

Over the last few months Sarah Palin has endorsed or employed various people who have inspired anger.  Imagine what Palin might say to explain away the multitude of statements made by each of these people:

John McCain: With regard to the racial profiling law in Arizona, John said it is a “very important step forward”.

Palin’s Response: What is “racial profiling” anyway?  We need a commander in chief not a constitutional law professor.  Who do you think would be an illegal immigrant in Arizona?  If someone looks Hispanic, they probably are an illegal immigrant, and there is reasonable suspicion to pick them up.  I think that’s just an example of someone being patriotic.  Do you love your freedom?

Clint Didier: While trashing government as being Marxist, Didier himself accepted big government aid for farm subsidies to help his own farm.

Palin’s Response: It is a God Given right to eat.

Vaughn Ward: Ward didn’t know if Puerto Rico was a country or a territory.     He is also the one who was clever enough to plagiarize an unknown speech of an unknown Democrat.

Palin’s Response: “I’m happy to support Vaughn Ward because I know that he believes in the same common sense conservative ideals that we cherish…” Who knows what Puerto Rico is anyway?  It’s that lamestream media saying things that are just untrue.  He didn’t plagiarize the speech, he just copied it.  Copy machines are not illegal.

Carly Fiorina: Palin said of Fiorian: “She knows how to really incentivize job creation. Her fiscal conservatism is rooted in real life experience…. We can trust Carly to do the right thing for America’s economy and to make the principled decisions she has throughout her professional career”.   When Fiorina was the CEO of Hewlett Packard, she  fired 18,000 employees and moved their jobs overseas.    The San Francisco Chronicle reported “labor unions have battled ‘off shoring, which Fiorina calls ‘right-shoring’.” Fiorina explained that her biggest mistake while running Hewlett Packard was “not firing more people more quickly”.   She is quoted as saying, “there is no job that is America’s God-given right anymore”.

Palin’s Response: A pretty lady wouldn’t lie.  All those people fired from Hewlett Packard probably deserved to be fired.  Besides, if they would seek Divine Intervention they would be able to find another job.

Nikki Haley:Nikki is the Republican candidate Palin endorsed in the South Carolina primary.  You remember, a man by the name of Will Folks, said that Will Folks had an affair with Haley.    Palin suggested in her Facebook post that all of the statements about Haley’s affair were “lies” told by a “political blogger”.   Mr. Folks then produced 1000 pages of phone records, which included conversations that took place at 2:00 am, and some that lasted longer than two hours.    Then to make matter worse, Larry Marchant identified himself as a person who had also been involved with Haley sexually.  Mr. Marchant explained that his encounter was for only one night.  Interestingly, both of these men were Republicans and neither were part of the “lamestream media”

Palin’s Response: Nikki Haley is a born-again-virgin.

Rand Paul: He is the candidate, endorsed by Palin, who said that the President’s criticism of BP was “un-American”.  He is also the candidate that is in favor of allowing private business owners to refuse to serve anybody for any reason, including race, sexual preference, religion, or gender.

Palin’s Response:       Environmentalists are un-American, so anyone critical of BP must be un-American.   I don’t feel comfortable around Asians, so I wouldn’t want to eat at a place that had a lot of Asians eating vegetables with their wooden sticks.

Fred Malek: Mr. Malek has worked for both Richard Nixon and Sarah Palin.  Richard Nixon was a beacon for truth and the American way, so we know Malek’s standards for evaluating the politicians for whom he is willing to work.  As a Christian, Malek must have thought it was his duty to fire any Jews working for Nixon.

Palin’s response: Jews are less worthy than Christians, so they probably deserved to be fired.

Sarah Palin seems to surround herself with people who have values diametrically opposed to the U.S. Constitution.  Maybe she has written a letter to herself in God’s voice explaining why each of these people are pious, admirable, and worthy of her endorsement or employment.  Perhaps she will publish that letter in her next book, since that book is supposed to be all about virtues.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

“God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose.  Take which you please – you can never have both.”

Palin’s Response: “He who cannot lie does not know what the truth is.” Friedrich Nietzsche