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The following E-mail is fiction. That means it’s not true. It’s purely satire, and if you don’t know what that is, there is a young woman who appeared on the Family Guy who could explain that to you.
To: The Anchorage Police Department, attention Chief Mew
From: A Woman With a Fire in Her Belly
Re: A Press Release for you to issue to the National Enquirer
Dear Chief Mew,
I’m sure you know by now that a book is set to be released today that was written by Frank Bailey. He claims to have worked for me, but there is not one scintilla of evidence that he ever worked for me. He is a child molester, a member of the main stream media, a corrupt bastard, limp, impotent and gutless. He probably drives his own car and drinks out of straight straws. I think he wrote the book while incarcerated. He probably has monetary motives for this book, unlike mine. He proclaims he is Christian, but I had a long talk with God this morning, and he doesn’t know a “Frank Bailey”. The e-mails that he mentions in the book were written by Todd, not me, and they were written when Todd was angry with me…about the silly little thing with Brad Hanson.
Trigg had a deal for a TLC reality show and Frank stole the name of the show to use for his book. Trig’s show was supposed to be called “Blind Allegiance” which was a reality show about the child with Down’s syndrome who could never see because his mother hid his glasses, and who was convinced that his mother would someday pay attention to him. Trig was to receive a $250.000 salary for each episode of the show. In each episode Trig was to be focused on a different member of the family who offered something different to help him with his political aspirations. Of course each family member would be compensated appropriately for their involvement. Mom and Bristol taught him the ins and outs of political campaigning at the expense of Alaskan tax payers. Uncle Mike taught him to taser people who called him “retard”. Aunt Diana taught him the ins and outs of financing an expensive campaign. Piper taught him which cupcakes were the best for each part of the day, and which containers work best for the campaign trail. Willow taught him how to select the perfect drug for his activities that day. Track taught him the importance of finding a wife while you still have your good looks. Dad taught him the importance of using protection on the campaign trail. The finale of the reality show would be election day when the results of the Republican primary would be announced by the Donald. Tragically, the book by Frank Bailey may cause the script to have to be re-written, at considerable cost to Alaskan tax payers.
I have prepared the following press release for you to issue to the National Enquirer. There is no need to add it to the police department’s web site, as I am sure it will be available throughout the country in every grocery store.
“ On behalf of the Anchorage Police Department, without the help of Sarah Palin’s attorney, I, Chief Mew, hereby issue the following Press Release exclusively to the National Enquirer:
There is not one scintilla of evidence in the possession of the Anchorage Police Department to connect, or indicate that Frank Bailey was in any way employed by Sarah Palin at any time, before or after she resigned. The only e-mails in our possession were written by persons other than Sarah Palin, and have nothing to do lies or corruption. It is just “guilt by innuendo, nothing else.” There is an ongoing investigation regarding Mr. Bailey and charges of child molestation. Kids are supposed to be off limits.”
Chief Mew, Todd is working on construction of a 20-foot fence which will encircle our entire house, but until it is erected, please send a patrol car to sit outside our house until the fence is complete.
Thanks for your help,
The Half-Term Ex-Governor
Ps. Tickets to the next show of Dancing With the Stars are in the mail.
Alaskans are the people who seem to know Sarah Palin best, and object to her most. Democrats, Independents, and Republicans are each susceptible to PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome). Hope is coming to Alaska. Malia Litman, blogger at malialitman.wordpress.com and author of The Ignorance Virtues of Sarah Palin: A Humorous Refudiation of the Half-Term Ex-Governor will be at Borders at 1100 E. Dimond Blvd, Anchorage on Sat. Jan. 22nd at 2:00. Malia will give a presentation and sign books, guaranteed to provide much needed relief for PDS. If you are one of the unfortunate Americans afflicted with this disability, come to Borders on Saturday. Together we can find comfort and therapeutic relief for our ailment. Hope to meet in person the many readers of this blog from Alaska. Malia
Throughout the campaign I saw websites and blogs regarding questions regarding the identity of the real mother of Trig Palin. Many strange things surrounded the pregnancy and birth of Trig. They included:
- Bristol looks more pregnant in many pictures than Sarah at a time when Sarah would have been pregnant with Trig, if in fact Palin was ever pregnant with Trig.
- Bristol evidently missed five months of high school because of “mono”, during the exact time that she would have been in her last five months of pregnancy with Trig, if she was Trig’s mom.
- Bristol was living in Anchorage with Sarah’s sister.
- Sarah didn’t tell anyone in her office that she was pregnant until she was about seven months pregnant. The amazing thing is that no one in her office suspected that she was pregnant. She must have been one of the few fortunate women who don’t have morning sickness, back problems and swelling of her hands and feet.
- Pictures appeared on the internet suggesting that the size of Sarah’s abdomen were inconsistent with a normal pregnancy. Not only does Sarah not look pregnant in many pictures, but during the last two months of the pregnancy when Sarah should have been the most pregnant, we saw some pictures that were confusing. Some taken at a later time indicated that her abdomen was actually smaller than earlier pictures.
- The most amazing part of the story was the adventure to Texas. When she was in Texas for a Governor’s conference she reportedly had her water break at 4:00 am in her hotel, yet she proceeded to give a speech that afternoon. She left the speech purportedly having contractions and traveled to the airport in Texas to catch a flight back to Alaska. Palin sat in the airport lounge reading a book while waiting for a plane with a passenger who didn’t have any idea she was pregnant or in labor. She then boarded two different flights back to Alaska and didn’t tell anyone with the airlines that she was pregnant or in labor. She knew the flights were scheduled to take at least 10 hours to return to Anchorage, and after arriving in Anchorage she got in the car and drove almost one hour to the hospital near Wasilla to give birth.
- This would have been her fifth child, and the length of labor and delivery with each child tends to be less, often with fourth and fifth children having a very short labor and delivery.
- Pictures of Trig did not appear on the hospital website as would typically be the case with newborn babies.
- Sarah was the Governor of Alaska when she purportedly gave birth to Trig, but there were no photos or front page stories that followed immediately after the birth.
- A birth certificate for Trig has never been produced.
- Pictures of Sarah following the “delivery” show Sarah in shorts and looking quite fit and trim.
- Levi Johnston has stated in interviews that Sarah harassed him and Bristol about adopting their child.
- Sarah has experience with creating uncertainty about the birth date of a child. Her first son was born approximately eight months after her marriage to Todd. Given the drivers license of her first child, it appears she or her son may have intentionally created confusion about his actual birth date.
- There was at least a month lapse in declaring Trig as Sarah’s child for purposes of health insurance.
All of these facts caused me to question the real story, but I was left with many questions, and little hard evidence to support any theory. Now there is the new issue of Trig’s ears! We now have had our attention directed to pictures of Trig’s ears that show a deformity that at least one medical doctor indicates would not simply disappear. However, with no explanation, we see pictures of Trig with this deformity at birth, and subsequently, the deformity simply disappears. No explanation has been provided.
Sarah’s doctor wrote a letter to confirm that Sarah was in good health and was fit physically to run for the office of Vice President. While questions have been suggested about the lack of medical records produced, and the lack of a birth certificate for Trig, there is one more bothersome fact. A letter was produced by Sarah Palin’s medical doctor, Cathy Baldwin-Johnson. Dr. Johnson is a doctor with Providence Health & Services in Anchorage Alaska. She is on active staff at Providence in Anchorage, and has been since June of 2008. In her letter she carefully states that Trig was born in 2008 and that Sarah gave birth to her fifth child in 2008, but no birth date, or even month of birth, is listed. It is curious that Sarah reportedly drove an hour to Mat-Su after landing in Anchorage, when obviously she could have had her doctor meet her in Anchorage if time was of the essence. http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/2010/02/doctors-response-to-my-tale-of-two.html
Moreover, Bristol was living with Sarah’s sister in Anchorage. If Bristol was pregnant and gave birth, it would be quite convenient that Dr. Johnson was on staff at the Anchorage hospital where she could treat Bristol. Dr. Johnson does not state in the letter that she delivered Trig and doesn’t list any doctor who delivered Trig.
My simple question is how hard would it be to produce the birth certificate for Trig? Producing his birth certificate should be easy since he is only two years old. Is there something to protect or is the birth certificate so personal that Trig would care if it were produced? Last time I checked, a birth certificate simply lists the person who was born, the date of the birth, the location of the birth, and the parents. The only thing I could imagine to be personal about Trig’s birth certificate would be the identity of his parents if they were listed to be someone other than Sarah and Todd Palin! Why haven’t we seen it? Wouldn’t this be an easy way to quash any rumors about who are the real parents of Trig Palin?
For those of you who have donated your hard-earned dollars to Sarah’s PAC, you should take an interest in how your dollars were spent:
- $1338.76 for the stay at the Marriott Anchorage for hotel rooms, even though her sister lives in Anchorage and Bristol drives daily from Wasilla to Anchorage for work.
- $63,000.00 for copies of “Going Rogue”. Do you think Sarah got a discount on these books, and if so, how many copies would that be? Would that be enough to catapult her into the New York Times Best Seller list?
- $1,390.43 at the Five Star luxury Peninsula Hotel in Chicago. Located on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, the hotel is across the street from Sarah’s favorite store, Neiman Marcus. www.peninsula.com
- She gave $1000.00 to her father for “postage”. It’s nice that it worked out to a nice round number. I always have trouble making change for those postal clerks.
- She gave $1000.00 to the National Down’s Syndrome Association. Can a PAC make charitable donations, and if so, what would be the PAC’s purpose in making such a donation? Did Sarah think Trig would help her win the hearts and minds of the electorate?
- $14,000.00 to a communication and speech consultant. Eric Schnure, the consultant, must have tried really hard for this much money, but you would think that he could have done a better job with Sarah, assuming he had a person of average intelligence. I guess he didn’t tell her that “mandation” was not a word.
Sarah Palin might not think we are paying attention, but I am.