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I am looking forward to meeting many of you tomorrow in Anchorage! The Presentation and book signing will be at Borders at 1100 E. Dimond Blvd. on Sat. the 22nd, at 2:00. I have invited several bloggers to come as well and although I am not sure how many will be there, Gryphen of the Immoral Minority is coming for sure! Hope you can make it, and please introduce yourself to me as one of the readers of this blog. Thanks! Malia
Alaskans are the people who seem to know Sarah Palin best, and object to her most. Democrats, Independents, and Republicans are each susceptible to PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome). Hope is coming to Alaska. Malia Litman, blogger at malialitman.wordpress.com and author of The Ignorance Virtues of Sarah Palin: A Humorous Refudiation of the Half-Term Ex-Governor will be at Borders at 1100 E. Dimond Blvd, Anchorage on Sat. Jan. 22nd at 2:00. Malia will give a presentation and sign books, guaranteed to provide much needed relief for PDS. If you are one of the unfortunate Americans afflicted with this disability, come to Borders on Saturday. Together we can find comfort and therapeutic relief for our ailment. Hope to meet in person the many readers of this blog from Alaska. Malia
Don’t forget to purchase your copy of The Ignorance Virtues of Sarah Palin: A Humorous Refudiation of the Half-Term Ex-Governor!http://www.amazon.com/Ignorance-Humorous-Refudiation-Half-Term-Ex-Governor/dp/0615406912
It is a common misperception that B.S. is without virtue. Given the fact that her new book, America by Heart, identifies as its subject “virtues”, it is important that the American people recognize that B.S. DOES have virtues. Here are some that you should recognize.
Courageousness. This is the virtue that enables a person to face danger or pain without showing fear. B.S. has repeatedly demonstrated this virtue by comparing herself to God when she wrote on her hand, and when she compared herself to William Shakespeare when she made up words.
Tolerance. This virtue is defined as the tendency to understand or accept something or someone who is different than yourself. B.S. has demonstrated tolerance by virtue of her marriage to Todd, even though he had Eskimo ancestry. . http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20223589,00.html. We know that B.S. has difficulty with people who are other than Caucasian, including (1) African Americans, http://firedoglake.com/2010/02/26/trent-franks-double-bigot-two-fer; http://www.laprogressive.com/election-reform-campaigns/alaskans-speak-in-a-frightened-whisper-palin-is-%E2%80%9Cracist-sexist-vindictive-and-mean%E2%80%9D; (2) Muslims, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/palins-bigoted-twitter-cal_b_650562.html, and (3) Asians. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/palins-father-she-left-ha_n_381724.html.
Denial. Denial is the ability to disregard the truth and to be unwilling to believe. B.S. illustrated her mastery of this virtue when she quit her job as Governor, and in the same speech she said she was not a quitter. Another memorable example of denial was B.S. saying that the legislative panel had absolved her of any wrongdoing in the Trooper Gate matter, when in fact the bi-partisan committee found that she had acted unethically.
Smart. This is the most commonly mistaken virtue of B.S. The majority of the people in the country think she is impaired. However the name “Sarah Palin” is synonymous with “knowledgeable.” B.S.’s love of knowledge and education are unrivaled. Her commitment to higher education is best illustrated by the fact that she was not satisfied with attendance at one institution, but she attended FIVE. Whether making a D in high school, or smoking pot in Hawaii, or discussing the country of Africa, B.S. has established herself as one smart Grandma.
Superiority. Even though Sara Hickman made a video “Palin by Comparison,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGoUyNI6VoE. B.S. has not been affected by that comparison. B.S. has demonstrated her perception that her intellectual ability far exceeds that of Barack Obama, even though he attended Harvard Law school, was the editor in chief of the Harvard Law Review, is the President of the United States, was a constitutional law professor, and has won a Nobel Peace Prize.
Honesty. This virtue is associated with truthfulness, sincerity, and refraining from lying or cheating. B.S. has repeatedly demonstrated this virtue, with only a few exceptions:
The Bridge to Nowhere. Palin favored the bridge, and latter said she did not. www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/08/fact-check-palin-an; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvqH6GnE3k0
Earmarks. Palin said she was opposed to Earmarks. What she meant to say was that she opposed earmarks for every state OTHER than Alaska. As Governor, Palin asked for 31 earmarks worth $197 million for the 2009 fiscal year. State budget documents show that the state requested 52 earmarks worth $256 million for the 2008 budget year. articles.latimes.com/2008/sep/01/nation/na-earmarks1 . The fact that Palin hired a lobbyist in Wasilla and obtained $27 million dollars in earmarks for Wasilla, was easily forgotten years later.
Troopergate. Palin originally said that she and her staff did nothing to cause or encourage the firing of Mike Wooten. http://www.adn.com/troopergate. When the ethics probe was concluded, Palin said she was completely vindicated. Ibid. In fact the bi-partisan probe concluded that Sarah Palin “unlawfully abused her power.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/10/lawmakers-emerge-from-ses_n_133800.html . Palin must have misspoken. What she meant to say was that the bi-partisan probe refudiated her.
Todd’s membership in the Alaskan Independence Party. Steve Schmidt, one of John McCain’s aides said that B.S. wanted to lie about whether her husband had ever been a member of the Alaskan Independence Party. This was the party advocating secession from the United States. Heilemann, Halperin, Game Change. Again, this was a misunderstanding, not a lie. She simply intended to say that Todd was a temporary member of the Alaskan Independence Party, from 1995 to 2002. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Todd_Palin#Voter_registration.
Death Panels. B.S. wrote on her Face book page: “… The sick, the elderly, and the disabled, of course. The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” This comment was voted one of the biggest lies of the year. http://mediamatters.org/blog/201006020033. Those people voting just didn’t understand. B.S. was acting on a mandation from God to say that.
She is not a Quitter. She has not quit making money.
Love. B.S. demonstrated this virtue when she was kind to her neighbors who were felons undergoing drug and alcohol rehabilitation. www.politicususa.com/en/fox-news-palin-mcginniss. It is only if her neighbor is an author standing on his balcony, looking to the back yard, who may not be worthy of Palin’s love.
B.S. also demonstrates the virtue of love by her choice of songs and poetry in her new book, America by Heart.
Favorite song – All You Need is Love
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. .All you need is love, all you need is love, All you need is love, love, love is all you need. Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. All you need is love, all you need is love, All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
http://allspirit.co.uk/allyouneed.html.
One poem epitomizes the complexity that is Sarah Palin, and demonstrates her virtuous nature:
Love
Roses are Red,
Violet are Blue,
Sugar is Sweet,
And so are You.
Flexibility. B.S. has demonstrated a remarkable ability to adapt to circumstances as they change. Initially B.S. chanted “Drill Baby Drill” when Obama opposed off-shore drilling. http://mediamatters.org/blog/201006020033. When Obama indicated he would consider off-shore drilling after studies were conducted to determine if it was environmentally safe, Palin characterized his approach as “Stall Baby Stall”. Describing the “burdensome new environmental regulations,” as unnecessary, B.S. demonstrated her flexibility once again. http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2010/04/sarah_palin_stall_baby_stall.html. When the Deepwater Horizon Well exploded, resulting in the largest natural disaster in the history of the United States, Palin demonstrated her adaptability once again by blaming environmentalists. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/03/sarah-palin-blames-enviro_n_598977.html. Finally, even though Palin has repeatedly suggested that the “government should get out of the way” of the private sector, elections.nytimes.com/2008/president/debates/transcripts/v… , B.S. once again demonstrated her flexibility by suggesting that President Obama should do more to stop the leak. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,594753,00.html.
Faith. Faith is to B.S., like eyeballs are to a moose; they are each essential to finding your way out of the darkness. http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/10-things-you-never-knew-about-sarah-palin-543952. (Palin’s dad awarded moose’s eyeballs to her after the kill). When people in Sarah’s church began speaking in tongues, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqXHbPeJciI Palin understood they were inspired by the spirit. If you find yourself not understanding something B.S. said, it was probably your lack of understanding of the language of “tongue”. Perhaps Palin will write a third book which might be a phrase book for the language she speaks “tongue”. http://ecstaticspeech.blogspot.com/2007/07/if-this-guythe-one-speaking-audibly.html; www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/08/palin.pastor/index.ht.
Forgiveness. B.S. was featured on the cover of Newsweek Magazine as being holy. http://dallassouthblog.com/2010/07/02/malia-litman-palin-and-perry-deserve-each-other. To err is human, to forgive is “divine”. This virtue is characterized as the ability to cease feeling angry or bitter towards a person. B.S. demonstrated her ability to forgive when she wrote an article about Glen Beck for Time Magazine. In that article she identified him as “amazing” and “patriotic”, and explained that he “inspired others to learn to respect our nation’s history.” Glen Beck was identified as a person “sharing earnestly sought knowledge with an audience hungry for truth.” http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2010/04/29/2010-04-29_sarah_palin_praises_glenn_beck_in_times_100_of_worlds_most_influential_people.html. On the television program, the View, Whoopie Goldberg referred to Beck as a “Lying Sack of Dog Mess” for his lies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2FK2vchoEo. Palin has obviously discontinued any feelings of anger or bitterness toward Beck for being a lying sack of dog mess.
Ambitious. Ambitious is the virtue that causes B.S. to have a strong desire for success or achievement. Because of this virtue, B.S. immediately recognized the potential for fame and fortune, and quickly resigned the office of Governor of Alaska. www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/03/A. While some people who lack this virtue might have been conflicted, thinking that they owed the people who elected them something, Palin was different. She immediately seized the opportunity to write a book, to travel the country giving speeches, and to become a celebrity on Fox “News”. As proof of the wisdom of her decision, records produced less than one year after Palin’s resignation, revealed that she had already made in excess of $12,000,000.00. answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100413195619AA.
Clean. Except when fishing, we have never seen B.S. dirty. We have also never seen a smudge on her glasses. Thus the incontrovertible evidence is that B.S. bathes every day.
Wealthy. This is the virtue associated with having a lot of money. No longer can it be said that B.S. is one of the “common people.”
Accountable. B.S. has shown her mandation for this virtue. When Rahm EmanuEl used the words, in a closed door meeting, “F___ing Retarded,” B.S. called for his resignation. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/ynews_pl1101. She didn’t need to hear the words uttered to know that EmanuEl should be accountable. A casual observer might have interpreted the identical words uttered by Rush Limbaugh in his nationally syndicated radio show to require the same level of accountability. However B.S. knew the difference. Because Rush was using the word in a “satirical sense” Palin felt it was perfectly appropriate. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/07/palin-considering-2012-ru_n_452602.html. Levi Johnston suggested in an interview that B.S. herself called Trig the “retarded one”, www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2009/09/levi-johnston.html.. B.S., as the purported mother of Trig, does not have to be accountable for her remark.
Politeness. When B.S. declined funding for the Bridge to Nowhere, B.S. could have simply said “No”. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/03/sarah-palin-rnc-conventio_n_123703.html. When Palin appeared on SNL she again demonstrated this virtue. http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20234528,00.html. When giving speeches B.S. always demonstrates her manners by thanking the members of the military (except of course those who might be homosexual). B.S. was even polite to her opponent in the Vice-Presidential debate when she asked permission to call him Joe. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89FbCPzAsRA. We know that she wanted to call him “Joe” so that she wouldn’t call him Senator “O’Biden”, but her reason for being polite is unimportant. Heilemann, Halperin, Game Change.
Eloquence. This virtue is characterized by being fluent, persuasive and articulate in speech, and is the virtue for which B.S. is best known. Not only has B.S. been paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to speak, but she has even expanded the English language to include words such as “repill” , http://www.palintv.com/2010/03/21/governor-palin-on-oreilly-discussing-health-care-vote; “mandation” http://www.mediaite.com/online/palin-pans-president-unispired-lecture-and-government-mandation; and “refudiate” http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20010892-503544.html. Perhaps, most memorable, is her mastery of foreign languages. While Sarah only made a D in foreign language, she is totally comfortable speaking in Spanish on national television. http://gawker.com/5061283/sarah-palins-high+school-grades. The fact that she suggested that the President didn’t have any “drawers” was probably an error. Yet, who knows, the President only wear briefs and not boxers. http://malialitman.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/palin-praises-jan-brewer-for-having-drawers.
Self Sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is the self-less willingness to give up something of benefit, for the good of others. This is an especially important virtue for a mother. B.S. has demonstrated this virtue on at least four separate occasions. While there seems to be some controversy about her last pregnancy, and the true identity of Trig’s mother, http://www.box.net/shared/ze1x0eyplo, it is undisputed that Sarah Palin sacrificed herself on at least four separate occasions to carry and give birth to four different children. What she did or failed to do, after the birth of each child is insignificant.
Temperance. Temperance is characterized by “moderation” and “self-restraint”. “Self-restraint” may include abstinence from liquor, intoxicants, and/or sex. http://www.virtuescience.com/virtuelist.html. B.S. is a staunch advocate of abstinence from sexual contact until marriage, except for herself or her own family. firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2008/09/01/4423693-pali… B.S. was pregnant when she married. Todd, Bennett, Lorenzo, Trailblazer. Bristol, her daughter was a teenager and pregnant out of wedlock. B.S. has shown self-restraint by only smoking marijuana in college, instead of using more dangerous drugs. She insists that Todd consume alcohol only in the garage and out of her sight. www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2009/09/levi-johnston.html.
Resoluteness. Resoluteness is the quality of being firm in purpose. B.S. is firm in her purpose that homosexuality is immoral. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/palins-father-she-left-ha_n_381724.html. Her commitment to that purpose was tested when she discovered the book Daddy’s Roommate, a child’s book with 13 sentences, in the Wasilla library. Upon determining that she would not be successful in banning this book, she was so committed to her purpose that she cut the funding for the library, fired the librarian, and sent the book to an outlying community. Litman, Rebuttal to the Rogue. B.S. refused to read the book. Bennett, Lorenzo, Trailblazer.
Impartiality. This virtue is all about fairness. It is the characteristic of being able to weigh both sides or evaluate both parties without bias. B.S. demonstrated her impartiality when selling her grandson’s photos. She sold the pictures to the highest bidder, regardless of political ideology, intended use of the photos, or state of residence. http://www.mahalo.com/tripp-johnston-photos. On another occasion B.S. demonstrated her ability to act with impartiality when she agreed to give speeches to bowlers, liquor distributors, and the RNC. B.S. treated each similarly, charging the identical price for each speech. www.huffingtonpost.com/malia-litman/what-does-sarah-p… The only time that she demonstrated favoritism was to the N.R.A. The fact that she demonstrated partiality in this instance is irrelevant as she was simply committed to self preservation. Guns can kill. malialitman.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/palin%E2%80%99s.
Zealous. B.S. is zealous in her love of killing animals. The slaughter of innocent animals might be offensive to some, who are weak and mild mannered. However B.S. exemplifies a feeling of eagerness and tireless devotion to a particular task. Whether it is killing moose, eliminating the habitat of polar bears, or simply decapitating a turkey, B.S. is always zealous.
Friendly. Friendliness is characterized by a tendency to be pleasant and accommodating. Palin has demonstrated this virtue when she waived to Russia. http://malialitman.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/sarah-palin-gives-new-meaning-to-shakespeare%E2%80%99s-comedy-of-errors. When she was made to look like a fool by a Canadian comedy team, she remained friendly until she dropped the phone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbEwKcs-7Hc.
Frugality. Frugality is best described as “prudence in avoiding waste. B.S. has demonstrated this virtue on several separate occasions. When she kills an animal, she eats it. www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/04/ct.palin/index.html. When she flies on a private plane, she allows her body guards to fly with her, rather than insisting that they fly commercially. By allowing all body guards to fly with her, B.S. demonstrates that she is frugal. On her book tour when she flew to each location on a private plane, she had the bus meet her at the airport, rather than taking a cab or private car and thus wasting gas. abcnews.go.com/GMA/sarah-palin-bus-tour-features-travel-pr. When traveling and staying in luxury hotels, Palin only required separate rooms for each child, and did not insist on reserving the entire floor of the hotel. www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27310999.
Sincerity. A person who is sincere is free from pretense or deceit in manner or actions. “Pretense” is not part of Palin’s vocabulary. During the 2008 campaign, she was forced to buy over $100,000.00 of clothes. www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html . However she gave the clothes back. www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/23/palins-180000-campa/. When she requires only black chauffer driven cars when traveling to a speech, her motivation is not pretense. She simply likes the color black, and a driver ensures that she gets where she is supposed to be.
Loyalty. This final virtue is the steadfast commitment to a person, a custom, an ideal, or to duty. Sarah Palin has regularly stated that she was committed to job creation in America and has been critical of anyone who might ship jobs overseas. wn.com/CBS_Sarah_Palin_interview . B.S. has endorsed many people running for office, so she certainly couldn’t know everything about every candidate she has endorsed. When Palin endorsed Carly Fiorina http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/06/sarah-palin-endorses-carl_n_566808.html, B.S. didn’t know that Fiorina had fired thousands of Hewlett-Packard employees, and shipped their jobs overseas. However Palin has remained loyal to Fiorina. http://cbs5.com/local/fiorina.hp.lyoffs.2.1796829.html. B.S. didn’t blink then, and she isn’t blinking now. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-september-15-2008/sarah-palin-won-t-blink. Again, when B.S. endorsed Vaugh Ward, and it was revealed that he had plagiarized a Barack Obama’s speech, Palin was remained loyal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCF3Vpf6iCg. Sarah Palin endorsed Nickki Haley. www.nikkihaley.com/sarah-palin-to-endorse-nikki-haley. Haley professed that she had been 100% faithful to her husband. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/24/nikki-haley-affair-will-folks_n_587156.html. Even after hundreds of pages of phone records were produced, revealing hours of conversations which took place in the middle of the night, B.S. remained loyal. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/28/nikki-haley-will-folks-ph_n_593234.html. Again when another man claimed to have had a one-night-stand with Haley, Palin continued her endorsement of Haley. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/02/nikki-haley-denies-accusa_n_598584.html. Finally, when John McCain needed help with his re-election campaign, Palin turned out to help him raise money, http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/eye-on-2012/palin-hits-the-campaign-trail.html, even though McCain had previously refused to endorse Palin for President in 2012. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2008/12/15/2008-12-15_mccain_refuses_to_endorse_palin_for_pres.html.
Now you can see why B.S. is an expert at virtues. In the future if you should overhear someone disparaging the “virtues” of B.S., please correct them. If this virtuous woman becomes the next GOP presidential candidate, America by Heart may cause cardiologists around the country to be in great demand. Perhaps a more appropriate title would be “America by the Large Bowel,” as (1) the author was B.S., (2) the large bowel is typically full of crap, (3) the large bowel is often associated with annoying sounds, (4) a pungent odor is often detected from the products of the large bowel, and (5) people can live without their large bowel as a result of a surgical procedure, but there is currently no cure for the virtuous nature of B.S.
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