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There are several lessons we can learn from the Iowa caucus results:

  1. Romney and Santorum finished within 0.1% of each other. Perhaps the race was so close because Romney is perceived as flip-flopping on homosexuality,  and Santorum was clear in his position that homosexuality is the same a bestiality.
  2. Perhaps not many Iowans have Googled “Santorum”.
  3. There is a total absence of evidence that anyone in Iowa went rogue and voted for Palin.  Jon Huntsman was reported to have earned 1% of the votes, Herman Cain received “58 wasted votes”, and 135 people showed up for the caucus and voted that they had “no preference”.     Given this level of detail in the reporting of the results, we can assume if anyone had “gone rogue,” we would have heard about it.
  4. There was a record turn out of 122,255 voters this year as compared to 119,000 last year.  This might be an indication that the eight Republican candidates who received votes resulted in confusion of the Republican voters in Iowa. The fact that the “winner” received less than 25% of the votes would be a clear indication that none of the Republican candidates were sufficiently inspiring to earn a significant majority of the votes.
  1. Romney hasn’t held elected office since 2006 when he announced that he would not run for re-election.  Due to growing dissatisfaction in the Republican Party it was anticipated that if Romney ran for re-election he would lose.  In the last year of his gubernatorial term he spent all or part of 212 days out of state, laying the ground work for a presidential campaign in 2008, which he lost. Rick Santorum lost his bid for re-election to the Senate in 2006 in Pennsylvania and hasn’t held elected office since then.  Although currently a Congressman, Ron Paul has announced he will not run for re-election, and he lost his race for a Senate seat.  Paul ran for President in 1988 and 2008, and lost both times.  He would be 77 years old by the election of 2012, and would be 81 by the end of his first term as President if he won in 2012.  Newt Gingrich was a Congressman but in 1999 he was charged with 84 ethics violations, and special counsel, James Cole, found that Gingrich violated federal tax law, lied to the ethics panel, and Gingrich resigned as Speaker of the House and from elected office in 1998.  Thus Newt has not held elected office for over 10 years.

Hence, the top four candidates for the Republican nomination for the office of the President are losers.  Two have lost in previous attempts to become President.  Santorum lost his attempt at re-election for the Senate, and Gingrich quit his position as Congressman and Speaker of the House.  Perhaps Stephen Bannon in 2012 will make a sequel to the “Undefeated,” featuring these four losers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


There are so many GOP candidates, and ex-candidates, and non-candidates, that it might be difficult to keep up with all the information about each. This is a simple way to test your knowledge.

 

1. Rick Perry thought Solyndra was:

a. a foreign country

b. a cavernous area of the moon

c. a new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream

d. a fatal medical condition that begins with the appearance of pustules on the face and then spreads to the entire body

 

2. Herman Cain is a:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. heterosexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. all of the above

 

3. Newt Gingrich is a:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. heterosexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. all of the above

 

4. Rick Perry is:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. bi-sexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. bigot

f. corrupt

g. all of the above

 

5. What will happen to Rick Perry’s “Niggerhead” hunting lodge?

a. Nothing

b. The lodge will become a recipient of a $2,000,000.00 grant from the Texas Emerging Technology Fund, and then declare bankruptcy.

c. The lodge will be featured on Rick Perry’s new reality show : “Rick Perry’s Texas.”

d. Rick Perry will sponsor a prayer rally and day of fasting at the lodge and then sell corny dogs for $10.00 each. Pictures with Rick would be available for $1000.00.

 

6. The British lost the Revolutionary War because:

a. Paul Revere never warned them the Americans were coming.

b. They were waiting for their North Korean allies to help but they never showed up.

c. The British never figured out what a “squirmish” was.

d. The British allowed mentally ill soldiers to carry guns.

 

7. The GOP candidates that lose the primary plan to do what with their buses:

a. Take family vacations.

b. Turn the buses into broadcasting stations for interviews on Fox News.

c. Park them in a trailor park and take up residence when their book sales decline.

d. Become stunt drivers.

 

8. The real reason Sarah Palin failed to enter the race for President was because:

a. “Sarah Palin’s White House” was determined to be too unrealistic for a “reality” television show.

b. She couldn’t control the police in D.C.

c. She couldn’t figure out what it is the President does.

d. While on vacation in Columbia she was kidnapped, and nobody would pay the ransom to get her back.

 

9. What really happened to the “evidence seized” by the Anchorage Police Department that the Judge ordered to be returned?

a. The APD gave it to Todd because he needed a good way to keep track of his clients.

b. Police Chief Mew is using it to support his retirement.

c. Willow destroyed it with the other property when she had her holiday party at the offices of the APD.

d. It miraculously disappeared one night and in it’s place was a note from God.

 

10. Why is Newt Gingrich still married to his third wife?

a. She isn’t sick.

b. He can’t find another.

c. A & B

d. None of the above

 

11. Why did Michele Bachmann win the Iowa Straw Poll?

a. She got each one of her foster children to vote.

b. She gave away corny dogs to everyone who voted for her.

c. Voters favored her because she was a good dancer and wanted to see her on Dancing with the Stars.

 

12. What will happen to Trig now that his mom has no use for him?

a. He’ll star in a reality show called “Are You My Mother?”

b. He’ll write a memoir called “Not Afraid of Mom: My Journey so Far.”

c. He’ll make “abstinence only” commercials.

d. He’ll be the GOP candidate in 2048.

 

13. What will happen to Todd now that his wife is no longer a politician?

a. He’ll be a stay-at-home husband and keep her panties clean.

b. He’ll be appointed the next Chief of Police for the APD.

c. He’ll start a government-funded clinic for Peeping-Toms.

d. He’ll go into business with his sister.

 

14. What will happen to Willow no that mom is no longer a candidate, and Willow dropped out of High School.

a. She’ll drive a cab.

b. She’ll become a job creator through her small business know by the name “Willow’s Demolition and Destruction Company.”

c. She’ll take advantage of mom’s studio that is no longer being used and turn it into a meth lab. She will use the APD for the distribution arm of the business.

d. She write her memoir called “The Good and Bad of a Bipolar Mother: A Case Study.”

 


On Monday Glenn Beck stated on his radio show that Rick Santorum could be “the next George Washington“. Not only is such a statement insulting to Washington’s legacy, it isn’t even based in reality. George Washington successfully fought for America’s independence, presided over the Constitutional Convention that drafted our Constitution, established precedents that still exist over two centuries after his death and above all, was a man who could have had a crown, but refused it to save a burgeoning country. What has Santorum done? He has equated homosexuality with incest and bestiality, stated that the Supreme Court should prohibit consenting adults from engaging in homosexual acts, and wants to repeal all federal funding for contraception, because as he stated, sex should be “procreative“. Not even hair powder and cow teeth could make Santorum anything remotely like George Washington.

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Rebuttal to the Rogue

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