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There are so many GOP candidates, and ex-candidates, and non-candidates, that it might be difficult to keep up with all the information about each. This is a simple way to test your knowledge.
1. Rick Perry thought Solyndra was:
a. a foreign country
b. a cavernous area of the moon
c. a new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream
d. a fatal medical condition that begins with the appearance of pustules on the face and then spreads to the entire body
2. Herman Cain is a:
a. serial adulterer
b. liar
c. heterosexual
d. condemns homosexuality
e. all of the above
3. Newt Gingrich is a:
a. serial adulterer
b. liar
c. heterosexual
d. condemns homosexuality
e. all of the above
4. Rick Perry is:
a. serial adulterer
b. liar
c. bi-sexual
d. condemns homosexuality
e. bigot
f. corrupt
g. all of the above
5. What will happen to Rick Perry’s “Niggerhead” hunting lodge?
a. Nothing
b. The lodge will become a recipient of a $2,000,000.00 grant from the Texas Emerging Technology Fund, and then declare bankruptcy.
c. The lodge will be featured on Rick Perry’s new reality show : “Rick Perry’s Texas.”
d. Rick Perry will sponsor a prayer rally and day of fasting at the lodge and then sell corny dogs for $10.00 each. Pictures with Rick would be available for $1000.00.
6. The British lost the Revolutionary War because:
a. Paul Revere never warned them the Americans were coming.
b. They were waiting for their North Korean allies to help but they never showed up.
c. The British never figured out what a “squirmish” was.
d. The British allowed mentally ill soldiers to carry guns.
7. The GOP candidates that lose the primary plan to do what with their buses:
a. Take family vacations.
b. Turn the buses into broadcasting stations for interviews on Fox News.
c. Park them in a trailor park and take up residence when their book sales decline.
d. Become stunt drivers.
8. The real reason Sarah Palin failed to enter the race for President was because:
a. “Sarah Palin’s White House” was determined to be too unrealistic for a “reality” television show.
b. She couldn’t control the police in D.C.
c. She couldn’t figure out what it is the President does.
d. While on vacation in Columbia she was kidnapped, and nobody would pay the ransom to get her back.
9. What really happened to the “evidence seized” by the Anchorage Police Department that the Judge ordered to be returned?
a. The APD gave it to Todd because he needed a good way to keep track of his clients.
b. Police Chief Mew is using it to support his retirement.
c. Willow destroyed it with the other property when she had her holiday party at the offices of the APD.
d. It miraculously disappeared one night and in it’s place was a note from God.
10. Why is Newt Gingrich still married to his third wife?
a. She isn’t sick.
b. He can’t find another.
c. A & B
d. None of the above
11. Why did Michele Bachmann win the Iowa Straw Poll?
a. She got each one of her foster children to vote.
b. She gave away corny dogs to everyone who voted for her.
c. Voters favored her because she was a good dancer and wanted to see her on Dancing with the Stars.
12. What will happen to Trig now that his mom has no use for him?
a. He’ll star in a reality show called “Are You My Mother?”
b. He’ll write a memoir called “Not Afraid of Mom: My Journey so Far.”
c. He’ll make “abstinence only” commercials.
d. He’ll be the GOP candidate in 2048.
13. What will happen to Todd now that his wife is no longer a politician?
a. He’ll be a stay-at-home husband and keep her panties clean.
b. He’ll be appointed the next Chief of Police for the APD.
c. He’ll start a government-funded clinic for Peeping-Toms.
d. He’ll go into business with his sister.
14. What will happen to Willow no that mom is no longer a candidate, and Willow dropped out of High School.
a. She’ll drive a cab.
b. She’ll become a job creator through her small business know by the name “Willow’s Demolition and Destruction Company.”
c. She’ll take advantage of mom’s studio that is no longer being used and turn it into a meth lab. She will use the APD for the distribution arm of the business.
d. She write her memoir called “The Good and Bad of a Bipolar Mother: A Case Study.”
He said, “My mom is gay and she doesn’t need fixin.”
In 2010 eighty-eight percent of voters felt that the national economy was in bad shape. Two years earlier, at the end of the Bush Administration, a record 92 percent of voters felt the economy was in dire straits. By November 2010, only 14% of voters felt their own family’s financial situation had improved since 2008. Twenty-nine percent of voters in 2010 reported that someone in their own household has lost a job in the last two years. Nearly two of three voters picked the economy as the single most important issue in their vote – and they voted 53-44 percent for Republicans for House. It was the first time since 1992, that economy voters favored Republicans. The Republicans were given a chance to address the economic problems. Instead of working to solve the problems, they have made them worse. When there was a real issue about whether the United States would fail to raise the debt ceiling and thereby default on our debts, the markets reacted and have not recovered. Remember when Michele Bachmann, a Republican leader at the time, advocated defaulting on our debt, which had already been incurred? Remember how the market responded even before the critical deadline had passed?
At the beginning of this year the President appointed the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform. That commission has been meeting since April 27, 2010, and this bipartisan commission has failed to propose a solution that could pass the Republican dominated Congress. Thus it seems that the Republicans are incapable of making a dent in the economic disaster that has come to define our world today. As the financial crisis in Europe becomes an increasingly real threat to the United States, stabilization of the American economy has taken on more importance and urgency. Certainly the importance of the economy in the 2012 election will be paramount. Americans are beginning to realize that the Republicans seem to be more focused on their own re-election than working toward solving the economic crisis facing the country. The Jobs Bill that was proposed by Obama, was not passed by the Senate because Republicans were afraid it would help Obama get re-elected. In other words, Republicans did not actually want the economy to improve, as better economic times might inspire re-election of President Obama. Thus the Republican Party wanted the economy to remain in bad shape, thinking that bad times would help them get reelected. Clearly personal political aspirations replaced the commitment of many Republicans to find solutions to America’s many economic problems. This trend was apparent when John McCain picked Sarah Palin, not because she was the most qualified, experienced, capable vice president, but because he thought she might be able to help him win the election. Now many Republicans seem to be following that same strategy. They would rather risk disaster in the country than do anything that might reflect positively on President Obama.
American voters may be slow to catch on, but after a year of a Republican-dominated Congress proving themselves to be unable or unwilling to improve the economic crisis in the country, we are fed up! The potential Republican candidates have proven …repeatedly….that they are not the solution for which we search. Republicans have rallied behind the womanizer who has established himself as the most ignorant politician about foreign policy ever to appear on the national stage.
Republicans continue to look for another candidate. For awhile there was that crazy woman who was at the top of the polls whose greatest accomplishment was taking in a lot of foster children.
Then there was the excitement surrounding the debate-challenged, racist, sexually diverse, part-time Governor, from Texas.
Now a man named “Newt” has become the most popular, in spite of his trifecta marriages and his distinction as the first speaker in history to resign after the House sanctioned him for ethics violations.
Thus, it is not surprising that the Democrats are now earning higher favorability ratings than their Republican counterparts, 40% to 30%. Perhaps this is not an indication that the Democrats are perceived as having all the answers, but instead they are at least looking for solutions. While looking for the solutions to the global economic crisis, the Democrats are not attempting to tell us who we can marry, what medical procedures and vaccinations we are required to have, or the identity of the supreme being to whom we should pray for a solution to the economic crisis. The nomination of Sarah Palin signaled the decline of the Republican Party. The rise in popularity of Bachmann, then Perry, then Cain, and now Newt, is tangible evidence that the decline of the Republican Party has reached catastrophic levels. With Sarah Palin’s help, the damage done may be irreversible.
This one is just for fun!
The Republican Governors Association is the single most important fund-raising organization supporting GOP candidates for the Presidency. For the 18 months ending Jun 30, 2010 the RGA raised $58 Million. This organization can take in unlimited amounts from corporations. Just a few examples of donors include Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp, the parent corporation of Fox News, which donated $1,000,000.00 and Well Point, a major health insurance firm, which donated $500,000.
Although state law prohibits Texas’ elected officials from accepting campaign contributions during the legislative session, Gov. Rick Perry, the previous chairman of the RGA, raised a record $22 million for the RGA. Coincidentally, the RGA has also been Rick Perry’s own top benefactor during his decade as governor. He collected $3 million from the association for his 2010 campaign for Governor and another $1 million in 2006 that was challenged by an opponent as an illegal contribution.
After Rick Perry announced his intention to run for President, Governor Bob McDonnell of Virginia, assumed the office in August 2011.
The RGA prides itself on being the “most innovative and disciplined political committee in the country.” As the GOP, and the former Chairman of the RGA Rick Perry, have repeatedly demonstrated their severe intellectual handicap,
the GOP has determined that future debates and speeches will come to an end. The Republican Party has announced its new rules for selection of its nominee for President:
1. The Selection Criterion For the Top Three Contenders in the Republican Primary Will Be a Coloring Contest.
Here are the pictures each candidate will be required to color:
The swirly lines on the elephant are particularly challenging, and will reward those candidates who pay particular attention to detail. Only the really clever candidates will realize that the swirly lines have no end point, and they will be required to imagine an ending point. The candidates who color outside the margins of the elephant will quickly be eliminated. Those candidates who color in genitals on the elephant which are the opposite of their gender will be awarded extra credit.
2. In the event of a tie, a dot-to-dot will serve as the tie breaker.
3. After the three candidates are chosen, there will be what will be know as the “1,2,3” contest. The winner of the 1,2,3 Contest will rise as the GOP contender for President in 2012. The title was chosen as the logical name for the three-part contest. The first part will be a Corny Dog Eating Contest. Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann are favored to win that one.
The second contest will be a much harder coloring contest which will incorporate a history test to determine if each candidate knows the colors of the stars, and stripes of the American flag:
The third test will be ……………………………………………………………..the third test will be……………………….it will be known as the………………………
OOOPS!
For months we have watched as the Republican Party searched for anybody but Mitt Romney as a Presidential Candidate for 2012. We watched Michele Bachmann eat corny dogs
and buy votes at the Iowa state fair.
As she rose in the polls we suspected that people were indicating that she was a favored candidate not because of her actual appeal as a Presidential candidate, but because they wanted Marcus Bachmann to be featured on Dancing With the Stars.
We watched Rick Perry replace Bachmann as the GOP frontrunner. When he began to plummet in the polls, the possible explanations were so numerous that it was hard to choose just one reason. There was Niggerhead.
There was the brain-fart at the Republican Debate when he tried to list three things, but could only remember two. Then there was the newspaper ads suggesting that Mr. Perry had a history of sexual indiscretions, with men and women.
Then there was the memorable picture of Rick eating his corny dog.
Perhaps the most memorable, colorful, drug inspired, and epic speech in New Hampshire was the most unforgettable.
Those memorable moments of Rick Perry don’t even include any consideration of his historic failure as Governor of Texas and the corruption that has come to define who he is.
Immediately after Rick-good-hair Perry started to fall into disfavor, “Herb” Cain started to emerge as the Republican leader.
As if the multiple claims of sexual harassment were not enough to destroy his prospects as a real contender, Herb sealed his fate with a brain fart of his own. Herb couldn’t articulate ANY policy on Libya, and didn’t seem to even understand who the enemy was in Libya.
All three of these candidates declared that God told them to run for President; Bachmann, Perry,Cain. Evidently God has a sense of humor. If he told the three to run, he must have wanted to provide something to laugh about at a troubling time for America. God must be a Democrat, and this was his way of ensuring Obama would win re-election.
Apparently stupidity is contagious. First Rick Perry with his infamous “oops“, then Michele Bachmann stating the U.S. should cut social welfare programs and be more like China, which has a socialist government, and now Herman Cain who clearly thinks of nothing other than pizza and blondes as evidenced by his response concerning Libya. Cain revealed he had a lot of “stuff twirling around” his head and that he would have done a better job in Libya than President Obama, without ever articulating what, if anything he would have done differently. Obviously the Cain Train has gone off the rails.
CNN reports today that a tea party group is urging Michele Bachmann to act like Sarah Palin, and quit. Even though Bachmann is the leader of the so-called Tea Party movement, Ned Ryun, the American-Majority President says “It’s time to go”. Bachmann should have been prevented from participating in the Republican debates long ago, when she proved she was foolish enough to use Yiddish words that she couldn’t pronounce!..
She has been known for saying really foolish things:
If she drops out of the presidential race, maybe she’ll have time to write a book. She could call it:
My Husband Isn’t Gay and Other Foolish Things I Have Said.
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Just for fun…It’s rainin men…
The GOP debate last night was a free-for-all. More than any other GOP debates, we watched as the candidates directly attacked each other. There was yelling. There was mocking. Condescension was the only thing these Republicans seemed to share. SNL couldn’t have done a better job of mocking the Republicans. Every now and then Michele Bachmann would say nothing relevant to the discussion or question, but she would lodge another attack on Obama. Jon Huntsman wasn’t there. Ron Paul repeatedly attacked the previous speaker, with a goal of saying that we should have less government, and even advocated cutting government spending on the military. Some attacked Rick Perry for supporting education for the children of illegal immigrants. Rick Perry responded by attacking Mitt Romney for hiring illegal immigrants. Romney gave Perry a lesson in etiquette for a Presidential-wannabe. Newt Gingrich tried to point out that fighting among them was only helping Obama. “Herb” Cain said he would never negotiate with terrorists, and was later embarrassed after the debate when Anderson Cooper played a clip of Herman saying that he would. Poor Herman was also forced to defend his position that we should tax the poor and middle class by creating a federal sales tax. Cain tried to suggest that the candidates were mixing apples and oranges. Romney was confident he wasn’t making a fruit salad. A tax was a tax. The Republicans as a group looked foolish and hypocritical. There was no clear position or message. President Obama won this debate.
The best part of the entire debate was an interchange between Rick Santorum and Rick Perry.
Rick Santorum lodged a full-frontal assault on Rick Perry for saying one thing, and doing another. Imagine a Republican suggesting that another Republican might be a hypocrite. In a fit of anger, Santorum specifically pointed out that Perry had supported TARP by sending a letter encouraging all legislators to vote for it. Perry denied that he wrote such a letter. Santorum was adamant that Perry had written such a letter, and Perry was adamant that he didn’t.
Rick Perry did write such a letter encouraging the passage of TARP. In the gubernatorial race of 2010 his authorship of this letter was a point of contention. Thus, there was no excuse for Perry’s complete denial of having written such a letter. He didn’t try to explain the letter, or to explain his position at the time. He simply denied that he had ever sent such a letter. The issue has been so highly publicized, Ron Paul included the issue in a campaign commercial.
The fact that Rick Perry took totally opposite positions regarding TARP should come as no surprise. His history of saying one thing and doing the opposite is long and colorful. Who could forget his position that the government should get out of the way, and then issuing an executive order that teen girls should be required to get Gardasil immunizations, and then passed legislation that required any woman wanting an abortion to first undergo a vaginal ultrasound? Just this last week the “holy” couple Rick and Anita proclaimed that they were being “brutalized” by the media because of their religion, and then Anita lied about the reason her son was unemployed. After he cut the Texas budget for protecting Texans from fires, he then asked the federal government to protect us. After promising that he wouldn’t cut the budget for Texas schools, he did.
However the worst was that on the very day that Governor Perry accepted billions in federal government money to balance the budget in Texas he started a petition to complain about the federal government bailouts.
While liberal bloggers have been speaking out about the hypocrisy and corruption of Rick Perry, it doesn’t have the same impact as a Republican highlighting this hypocrisy on national television. Rick Santorum Rick-Rolled Rick Perry.
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