That God. He’s such a jokster! We thought he was a Democrat when Sarah Palin announced that it was God’s Plan that she should be McCain’s running mate. Poor John! He didn’t realize that God was playing with him when God told him to pick Palin. John probably thought God wanted him to pick Palin so he’d win. What a prankster that God is. Who would have expected God to be involved in such tom-foolery. Maybe God had too much to drink that day, or maybe he’s just getting to be old and ornery, but the joke was on McCain.
Until today some people were not willing to admit that God was a Democrat. Even though Democrats were focused on helping the poor and middle class, it seems the Republicans are the ones always talking about God. Now we have proof. Some people thought it would take a Miracle for President Obama to be elected to a second term in light of the economic hardships facing the country. Even if it wasn’t Obama’s fault, and even if he did everything that man could do to fix the problems facing the country, atheists around the country proclaimed that a Republican would inevitably win the 2012 election. Even Bill Clinton said, “It’s the Economy Stupid.” Now God has done it again, and we didn’t see it coming. He has a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it!
When God told three different Republicans that he wanted them to be President, the Republicans didn’t realize that the joke was on them. When Rick Perry make a fool of himself in the GOP debate God was laughing.
He was laughing again when Michelle Bachmann ate corny dogs at the Iowa fair, and bribed people to vote for her in the Iowa straw poll.
God thought it was particularly funny when he told “Herb” Cain to run for the GOP nomination and then had women standing in line to tell about his sexist attitudes and a 13 year affair with a woman named “White”.
He was particularly proud of the irony of having a Black man run to be the nominee of the party of Bigots. God must be a genius!
God thought He was particularly clever when he chose Rick Santorum to run on an anti-abortion platform, even in cases of rape, but positioned Rick’s wife to have a history of living with an Abortion doctor for 6 years, who was 40 years her senior, who was so old he delivered her when she was born. In case that wasn’t funny enough, they lived above the abortion clinic.
When all of his “chosen” candidates dropped out of the campaign, it was the Mormon who was left. God must have been laughing so hard by this point that tears were running down his cheeks. But He was just getting started.
Then he had the GOP Convention delayed due to a hurricane. Some might suggest that the organizers of the Convention used poor judgment in selecting a location in Florida, during hurricane season for their convention, but it was really God sending a message. The message was that God was unhappy with the Republicans because they had treated women badly, or maybe because God was a woman.
Next he got Romney to pick Ryan for his Vice President, and within just a few days He had Todd Akin talk about “legitimate rape” and women “shutting that whole thing down.” Just in case anyone missed the fact that Ryan and Akin co-sponsored the forcible rape bill before Congress,Akin’s comments made sure we were paying attention.
God set up his final joke by making sure we knew the story of Romney telling a mother of four children, from his own church, that she should risk her life to carry a pregnancy to term. She had blood clots. She had already gotten permission from the Mormon Church for an abortion. She thought she owed it to her living children to ensure she was around for their high school graduations. Mitt told her that she should risk her life and protect that unborn embryo. That story has been known to the public since at least August of 2012. However to make the joke even more obvious, God made sure that everyone who buys groceries knew about the story by having it make the front page of the National Enquirer just as early voting was starting.
Then God had Rick Perry, the one who called Romney a “vulture capitalist,” go to Colorado to campaign for him.
Just in case the Republicans hadn’t caught on by the time early voting had begun, God had to get one more jab in before the election. Romney made one commercial for a candidate for Senate, Richard Mourdock.
Then God had Richard Mourdock explain that if a woman was raped and became pregnant it was God’s will. God made sure that Mourdock did that just as early voting was starting. We’ve all heard that “it was a message from God,” but until now we didn’t realize that he got involved in politics. Only God can talk about politics and religion at the same time. He is an expert at telling the funniest stories.
We don’t know if the Republicans have a sense of humor, but we know God does. He’ll be laughing with us on Nov. 6th.















18 comments
Comments feed for this article
October 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm
MrsGunka
What will the Republicans blame Hurricane Sammy(i) on? Those heathens in NY and NJ?
October 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm
malialitman
Mrs. Gunka,
God will blame NY for the Mosque, and they’ll blame N.J. for allowing their Governor for eating too much
October 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Elizabeth44
I love it! I am a social justice Christian, and I do think God has a sense of humor. If he/she didn’t, humanity would have been zapped gone long ago.
October 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm
malialitman
Elizabeth44,
Me too, and I know he’s laughing right now!
October 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm
elsie09
Outstanding commentary today, Malia. Just excellent!
October 25, 2012 at 8:20 pm
malialitman
elsie09,
Thanks for the feedback, and reading!
October 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm
m
Hi Malia .
Homework for u
Mitt Romney Transcripts RELEASED:
http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdesk/tmz_documents/1025_romney_2.pdf
Link does not work pl. check TMZ.
Also Levi is getting married this weekend- Radaronline.
October 25, 2012 at 8:19 pm
malialitman
m,
thanks for the link. I’ll work on finding the trANSCRIPT and will post in the am.
October 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm
The Kid
For the record, I sent the same intel to the Rachel Maddow show and Reverend Al Sharpton…so no more covering it up for Palin…front and center..your Honor, I have to present to the courts…………
October 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm
jk
Should we stock up on popcorn, Mala?
October 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm
malialitman
jk,
I’ve ordered a case from the Boy Scouts!
October 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Cracklin' Charlie
Corn prices are way up, due to last summers drought in the Midwest. This could get really expensive…might have to switch to pretzels. If this breaks the way I want it to, there’s not gonna be enough popcorn in the entire country, anyway.
Go, Kid, Go!
October 26, 2012 at 4:00 am
Doubting Thomas
I notice that you missed out one of the prospective Republican candidates. Surely the Lord must have forgiven Newt’s liberal views on personal morality when he converted to Catholicism to secure the lovely and talented Callista. On the wider point, you must be right as it is a trifle worrying for me as a foreigner to see that so many who see themselves as possible and plausible Presidents are hearing the voices. In my country they would be liable to be locked away as mad for the protection of the public.
October 26, 2012 at 2:06 pm
malialitman
Doubting Thomas,
How could I forget the serial adulterer?!!! I just think he didn’t proclaim that God wanted him to be the President. He was probably afraid that God would strike him dead if he made that claim,
October 27, 2012 at 3:58 am
Doubting Thomas
Indeed point taken. But had Newt been struck down that would go towards making me a believer.
October 27, 2012 at 8:17 am
malialitman
Doubting Thomas,
Only if he were stuck in the crotch!
October 26, 2012 at 7:48 am
aj weishar
The “God let/made it happen” people amaze me. They get so flustered if you break down a tragic event and show how free will (or bad choices) caused it. In recent history, we can look at Republican cuts to mental health programs that deal with sex offenders as a factor in crimes. If we go back about 30 years, we can revisit a budget cutting move by President Reagan. He reclassified the level of mental illness that qualified for Federal institutional treatment and released thousands of dangerous mental patients.
As for the people in this comedic blog, God didn’t put them in office, people making bad choices did it.
October 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Mandi
Humans plan, God laughs! I really think that is the secret to everything!