To: the Child of God

From: Your Mother

Re: Your Situation

Bristol,

I read your recent blog post where you said:

“But my true spiritual identity is even better than proudly wearing the last name of “Palin.” How much better is it that I’m a child of God?  In other words, I’m not so much a “Christian SINGLE PARENT,” I am a CHRISTIAN who for the time being is a single parent. Being a single mom is my situation, not my identity.”

Are you out of your mind? Did you forget that this video was posted on You Tube for all the world to see? Did you forget that this video is called the “Situation” and is all about sex? In one minute, 45 seconds the word “situation” is used 17 times.

Do you realize that if you are the child of God, that makes me God. But I don’t pretend to be God. I speak to him, and his friend the holy spirit, but I’ver never said I WAS God. If you are God then you have to be responsible. What’s worse you can’t quit.

You can’t lie.

You can’t do cocaine off an oil drum. You can’t call people names like “bastard.”

You can’t shoot animals that you made.

You can’t make all of your little children work cleaning toilets. You have to forgive, and I can’t. You have to provide for the special needs of your special needs child, and I couldn’t provide for the regular needs of my four regular needs children. If you are God, you can make babies without wearing those silly padded clothes.

You wouldn’t be married to a pimp. If you are God then you know you made two countries, North and South Korea. You know you made the continent of Africa with a lot of little countries in it. You don’t have to read anything, because you already know everything. You surely know that Paul Revere wasn’t warning the British that the Americans were coming.

You would have to embrace all the people in the world, including Muslims, gays, and Democrats.

What’s worse is that you have done a lot to portray yourself as anything BUT a child of God.

You shot guns.

Instead of being a “fisherman of men,” you beat fish with a bat.

Instead of remaining a virgin, you not only had sex, repeatedly with Levi, but you talked about it on national television, and then humped a bull in a bar.

Instead of reading prayers, you wrote a book about drinking and having sex as an unwed teenager.

Instead of conveying the image of the Virgin Mary, you reminded the American public what made you famous, and it wasn’t your good looks, charm, or dancing.

“Children of God” go to church. They don’t have “Trial Marriages” with men who disparage special needs children, or homosexuals, or blacks, or me.

You can use God to your advantage, but you gotta be clever about how you do it. It’s much more believable if you say that God told you something than you are a “Child of God”. That would require people to believe that I am God. God doesn’t work for money, God doesn’t quit, and God doesn’t sleep with men who might be visiting Alaska.

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