There are so many GOP candidates, and ex-candidates, and non-candidates, that it might be difficult to keep up with all the information about each. This is a simple way to test your knowledge.

 

1. Rick Perry thought Solyndra was:

a. a foreign country

b. a cavernous area of the moon

c. a new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream

d. a fatal medical condition that begins with the appearance of pustules on the face and then spreads to the entire body

 

2. Herman Cain is a:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. heterosexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. all of the above

 

3. Newt Gingrich is a:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. heterosexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. all of the above

 

4. Rick Perry is:

a. serial adulterer

b. liar

c. bi-sexual

d. condemns homosexuality

e. bigot

f. corrupt

g. all of the above

 

5. What will happen to Rick Perry’s “Niggerhead” hunting lodge?

a. Nothing

b. The lodge will become a recipient of a $2,000,000.00 grant from the Texas Emerging Technology Fund, and then declare bankruptcy.

c. The lodge will be featured on Rick Perry’s new reality show : “Rick Perry’s Texas.”

d. Rick Perry will sponsor a prayer rally and day of fasting at the lodge and then sell corny dogs for $10.00 each. Pictures with Rick would be available for $1000.00.

 

6. The British lost the Revolutionary War because:

a. Paul Revere never warned them the Americans were coming.

b. They were waiting for their North Korean allies to help but they never showed up.

c. The British never figured out what a “squirmish” was.

d. The British allowed mentally ill soldiers to carry guns.

 

7. The GOP candidates that lose the primary plan to do what with their buses:

a. Take family vacations.

b. Turn the buses into broadcasting stations for interviews on Fox News.

c. Park them in a trailor park and take up residence when their book sales decline.

d. Become stunt drivers.

 

8. The real reason Sarah Palin failed to enter the race for President was because:

a. “Sarah Palin’s White House” was determined to be too unrealistic for a “reality” television show.

b. She couldn’t control the police in D.C.

c. She couldn’t figure out what it is the President does.

d. While on vacation in Columbia she was kidnapped, and nobody would pay the ransom to get her back.

 

9. What really happened to the “evidence seized” by the Anchorage Police Department that the Judge ordered to be returned?

a. The APD gave it to Todd because he needed a good way to keep track of his clients.

b. Police Chief Mew is using it to support his retirement.

c. Willow destroyed it with the other property when she had her holiday party at the offices of the APD.

d. It miraculously disappeared one night and in it’s place was a note from God.

 

10. Why is Newt Gingrich still married to his third wife?

a. She isn’t sick.

b. He can’t find another.

c. A & B

d. None of the above

 

11. Why did Michele Bachmann win the Iowa Straw Poll?

a. She got each one of her foster children to vote.

b. She gave away corny dogs to everyone who voted for her.

c. Voters favored her because she was a good dancer and wanted to see her on Dancing with the Stars.

 

12. What will happen to Trig now that his mom has no use for him?

a. He’ll star in a reality show called “Are You My Mother?”

b. He’ll write a memoir called “Not Afraid of Mom: My Journey so Far.”

c. He’ll make “abstinence only” commercials.

d. He’ll be the GOP candidate in 2048.

 

13. What will happen to Todd now that his wife is no longer a politician?

a. He’ll be a stay-at-home husband and keep her panties clean.

b. He’ll be appointed the next Chief of Police for the APD.

c. He’ll start a government-funded clinic for Peeping-Toms.

d. He’ll go into business with his sister.

 

14. What will happen to Willow no that mom is no longer a candidate, and Willow dropped out of High School.

a. She’ll drive a cab.

b. She’ll become a job creator through her small business know by the name “Willow’s Demolition and Destruction Company.”

c. She’ll take advantage of mom’s studio that is no longer being used and turn it into a meth lab. She will use the APD for the distribution arm of the business.

d. She write her memoir called “The Good and Bad of a Bipolar Mother: A Case Study.”

 

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