Emme Meijer 1000 De Waagtoren Kornwerderzard, Netherlands
June 17, 2010
Dearest Half-Term-Ex-Governor Palin:
I have a dear friend who lives in Louisiana, but is originally from the Netherlands. Her name is Doortje (meaning “Gift of God”) Van Dijk (meaning of “Dike”). Before lapsing into a coma, Doortje asked me to write to you to explain a few things. Doortje has been afflicted with PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome) since September of 2008. She thought it would have gotten better after the election, but alas, you keep talking on national television. Your recent interview with Bill O’Reilly precipitated the coma, and I am not sure if she will recover.
Doortje’s, last words before falling into a state of unconsciousness were, “Sarah Palin is a dumb ass”. I explained to Doortje that while “dumb ass” might be a technically accurate description, there are many more socially correct adjectives from which she could choose. The list I gave her included stupid, ignorant, foolish, deranged, clueless, mentally impaired, unintelligent, nonsensical, and mentally handicapped. Unfortunately, Doortje may never regain consciousness, so I will always remember her fondly by her parting words.
In case Doortje ever regains consciousness, I seek divine intervention, praying that you will refrain from uttering another word about the oil spill in Louisiana. It was bad enough when you chanted “drill baby drill”, then “stall baby stall”. Then you had the gall to suggest on your Facebook that the spill was the fault of the environmentalists, some of whom were out trying to rescue wildlife in the Gulf region. Until now you have been very clever to avoid discussion of any policies. You have limited your speeches and comments to criticism, rather than articulating (that means talking) any policies for which you stand.
I know that you said in your book Going Rogue that you were an expert in energy, and I know John McCain agreed. Yet virtually the only form of energy produced in Alaska is oil and you seem to lack expertise in even drilling and production. Certainly the development of oil in Alaska is on-shore, so most people would not expect you to know anything about off-shore drilling. Your education would not suggest that you ever took a course in energy development. My understanding is that you majored in broadcast journalism, and worked as a sportscaster, not a commentator on energy development. Todd worked for BP for 18 years, and the only way that would make you an expert would be if he shared with you examples of the failure of BP to comply with safety and environmental standards. Since you did nothing to combat the repeated failures of BP in Alaska, I assume Todd didn’t share that with you. If he did, that would count as abandonment of the people of Alaska, wouldn’t it?
In your recent interview with Bill O’Reilly, you suggested that there were two points you would make to President Obama, if anyone asked for your input. I think the only person who asked for your input was Bill O’Reilly, and I doubt he will ask you again. In your answer you indicated that you would tell the President to stop the leak. However even Bill O’Reilly indicated that nobody knows how to stop the leak! By saying this you lost any credibility because you have repeatedly advocated LESS governmental intrusion into our lives. You have repeatedly suggested that we were better off to rely upon the private sector.
The second wisdom you imparted was that we should consult with experts in the Netherlands and build a dike. It was this comment that sent Doortje into a coma. In case Doortje doesn’t pull through, let me share a few facts with you in hopes that you will refrain in the future from offering any suggestions about anything.
The Netherlands is a low-lying country, with about 20% of its land located below sea level, and 50% of its land less than 1 meter above sea level.
Significant land area in the Netherlands has been gained as a result of land reclamation through an elaborate system of polders and dikes. Thus the only reason the Netherlands was able to build dikes was because the land reclaimed was so close to the surface of the ocean, and the dikes could be build on existing land just below the surface of the ocean.
If you still don’t understand, here is a picture of a dike that will help you understand the notion that dikes can only be built when the surface of the ocean is very close to the surface of the land.
Dikes were never built to address any type of oil spill. In fact the Netherlands depends upon energy imports for oil. The use of renewable energy sources for power generation has caused the Netherlands to become a significant country in terms of installed wind power capacity.
The Deepwater Horizon is called that because the well head is DEEP! It is located 5000 feet below the surface. The current surface area of the spill covers at least 2500 square miles, and hundreds of miles of beach are at risk. The drilling that resulted in the worst environmental disaster is U.S. history occurred approximately 41 miles from shore. Suffice it to say that the Netherlands has never dealt with an environmental catastrophe 41 miles off shore resulting from deep water drilling at a depth of 5000 feet. Even the children in the Netherlands would laugh at you if you suggested building a dike 41 miles from shore where the ocean floor was 5000 feet deep.
I know you resigned your position on the Oil & Gas Commission after serving less than one year, and you resigned you position as Governor of Alaska after serving only half of that term. Perhaps you should consider also resigning from your position at Fox “News”. They would probably pay you to leave, and to stop talking. I know the people of Louisiana would appreciate it if you would stop talking about building dikes. If you stop talking maybe Doortje will make it out of her coma, and she will discover that it was God’s plan to facilitate the cessation of any verbal communication from you.
Just when we thought you couldn’t do anything to embarrass yourself more than you did in the Katie Couric interviews, you surprised us. By writing on your hand you indicated you couldn’t remember even three words, and you got confused about those and had to cross one off. When the cameras caught your hand on tape, you suggested that it was God-like to write on your hand. Maybe you will find a way to justify such a dumb ass comment about dikes, but I am afraid the explanation will likely be as unbelievable as the original statement. You have an exceptional gift of fooling people, but I am afraid you have compromised even that.
A fool and his money are soon parted. You have a lot of money, so before you are parted with it, give it to someone else to manage for you before you invest it in a new dike building start-up company, or before you purchase a call option on dike building equipment, hoping that the price will go up.
Kindest Regards,
Emme
46 comments
Comments feed for this article
June 17, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Dusty
Malia,
You are amazing! Thanks for the laughs and all your hard work.
Hope you enjoyed your time off.
June 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm
malialitman
Dusty, I was in Houston Texas getting visas for my oldest daughter who just returned from Africa (you know the continent, not the country). The country she was in was Togo, and I learned so much from her stories. She is braver than I, as I don’t think I would have been able to do what she did. She was helping the government convert the electrical supply to solar power. When you see pictures and stories about our country you understand that we take so much for granted…including toilets, running water, and bacteria free food. All of the kids except my daughter got food poisoning while there. I also learned that some of the men in Togo think that if you have sex with a virgin you can cure aids?!!! Scarry thought! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 1:11 pm
carrieoki
Loved this, on many levels. Dugg, Tweeted, and Stumbled via the Intertubz.
June 17, 2010 at 2:11 pm
malialitman
carrieoki, Thanks for your support and for reading along! I also greatly appreciate your referrals on Dugg, Tweeted, and Stumbled. It helps the number of viewers so much and the more viewers I get, the more the national press will pay attention. Thank you! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 9:44 pm
malialitman
carrieoki,
I presume it was your reference to the article on stumbled. I can’t thank you enough! Today was a record day for the blog with over 2000 views just from stumbled! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can write the posts but only the readers can make others aware of the site. thank you so much! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 1:28 pm
B. W.
Hilarious. I laughed when I watched the O’Reilly segment, especially the part where she complains that Obama isn’t calling in the Dutch or “entrepreneurial Americans”, presumably people who own a lot of pails for bailing.
This mock-reply is superb — and right on the money as to why we wish SP would just disappear. Regrettably, since a fool and his money are soon parted, she’s got lots of ambition to extract the rest from the poor sychophants who adore her. Maybe then she’ll disappear into the tundra.
June 17, 2010 at 2:07 pm
malialitman
B.W., I know Torie posted this clip during my absence, but I just had to comment. I really think this is, far and away the stupidest thing she has said yet. If she keeps talking I am sure there will be more. The only question is how long will Fox be willing to continue interviews with Palin. O’Reilly clearly has her number and Beck has called her answer “bullcrap”, so maybe it won’t be much longer. malia
June 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm
suz1941
Love it, love it, love it!
That FOX interview with Bill O’Reilly was priceless! O’Reilly must have gone off the agreed upon script and Palin looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
She is obsessed with Obama and I think I finally know the reason why. Palin’s deranged ego truly believes that if she should have been at the top of the Republican ticket in ’08, she would have won and she would now be in the Oval Office. Scary thought.
June 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm
malialitman
suz1941, Yes a frightening thought! However with just a few more interviews like these, and even Fox News may be afraid for her to be running the country! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 6:12 pm
suz1941
I am so new to blogging and could have seen this, but is your blog origination from Alaska?
The reason I am asking is that I believe that Sarah has a learning disability that was not diagnosed when she was a child. Perhaps dyslexia? I have observed her ever since I knew she existed (McCain) and I, of course, do not like her.
It occurs to me that she might be incapable of assimilating information because she does not understand what she is reading. Also, although I am not a doctor, I have read that people with any learning disability tend to change schools often to keep their shortcomings from fully be exposed.
I wondered if you are from Alaska, if friends she grew up with noticed, grades would not be good.
As a novice in finding blogs, I think you have my e-mail, but I will check with this particular to see if you have replied. Thanks.
June 17, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Maria
Malia, that was absolutely brilliant! I’m aching from laughter…
June 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm
daisydem
Love this. And yes, suz1941, the mere thought of her in the Oval Office is the scariest thing ever.
June 17, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Tom Ryan
Brilliant! Hoping Sarah Palin’s next career change will be to become a mime!
June 17, 2010 at 2:43 pm
lynn
wonderful, excellent, perfect!
June 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm
malialitman
Lynn, Glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write. It was by far the most ludicrous thing Palin has said, and that is an impressive list! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm
SoCalWolfGal
Malia, thank you so much for this. It is priceless! God knows with everything going on we do still have to laugh. I particularly love the part about Fox probably would like her to resign. I certainly think Billo would. I have watched this three times. It is so obvious that he thinks she is such a waste of time, but the powers that be at Fox have thrust this imbecile on everyone there, so they have to grit their teeth. I think Hannity thinks she is a lwaste of space too, but he does have the hots for her.
She will not live this one down. Thanks again for the laugh of the day.
June 17, 2010 at 5:06 pm
malialitman
SoCalWolfGal, I think you are right…Bill O’Reilly seems to have little or no respect for her. Maybe if they continue to feature her, Fox viewers will drop. Even Conservatives, and Republicans must realize how ludicrous it is that Palin said the solution to the spill was to build a dike. If they don’t acknowledge what a stupid idea this is, they should pay the price in the Nov. elections. Malia
June 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Enjay in E MT
Wonderful piece – good thing I have a private office !
Unless the votes are rigged – she’ll NEVER be elected president. She can’t manage Faux pundit without knowing the questions first, so much for an on the spot analysis. Her speaking tour is drying up. The T-baggers aren’t r’ill happy with her endorsements; guess they won’t crown her queen now. Next book will be a dud, only purchased by the most devout followers. With her record on quitting – employment prospects are limited. Obviously, she can’t be a PR spokesperson with her word salad.
She still has that Discovery show in the works – even if it ever gets produced – there will continue to be so much fall-out for Discovery they’ll shut it down (or sell it to comedy central).
I believe ScarySarahs next job will be heading a church.
She’ll become a tax exempt elitist like Fallwell / Graham / even Buchanan. She even has her own Studio in the house where she will tele-cater to the uber conservative rich & famous and meddle in politics while taking money from the desperates. Her primary goals will be ridding the world of pj-clad basement dwelling bloggers [like Muthee did with witches in Africa] (the country not the continent) and promote a Secular Ruled Government to replace our constitution.
June 17, 2010 at 5:08 pm
malialitman
Enjay, Thanks for hanging with me while I was gone. Someone today suggested that she should be a mime, and that would be great! It would make me happy to watch her and not hear her! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Kyle
How much experience did Obama have before becoming PRESIDENT? Community Planner? Laughable. Senator? 1-Term with a grand total of ZERO accomplishments and only voted along party lines.
It is interesting that you did not mention ONE single thing that Obama has done in your “letter”. Why is that? Oh WAIT- it’s because he hasn’t done anything that didn’t involve forcing healthcare down our throats and taking pictures. He has been a zero-factor.
I love how you liberals write pieces like this because it’s just hypocrisy in its highest. Obama’s getting voted out after this term. Hope you can make some good jokes about that…
June 17, 2010 at 4:40 pm
majii
“Forcing health care down your throats?” Sorry, but your guys didn’t come through for you after raising your ire to a fever pitch and helping you to make fools of yourselves at last year’s town halls. You had representation in Congress, so nothing was forced down your throats.
For what the president has done regarding the explosion and oil spill, I recommend Media Matters, or any other reputable news source, NOT Fuchs Noose which feeds it’s viewers exactly what they want to hear: lies, lies, and more lies. It’s funny how the community organizer got BP to agree to a $20 billion escrow account so that we tax payers wouldn’t have to pay for BP’s mistake, and he also got $100 million for the workers and other people in the Gulf Region. What has Palin done besides criticize? She should be in the Gulf with her sycophants helping to clean up the environment.
Sorry that you feel so bad for Palin, but the cure for that is for her to educate herself about what is going on in this country and for her to stop lying through her teeth. Liberals are not responsible for Palin looking like a fool on national teevee, and neither are you. She is.
June 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm
malialitman
Kyle, Funny thing is that Palin’s comments were in response to the most popular commentator on Fox “News”. Nobody put words in her mouth, and certainly she had an opportunity to inform herself about the oil spill BEFORE she did the interview. Nothing was said in the interview by our President, so the lady from the Netherlands writing the letter didn’t need to respond to him.
June 17, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Tim
Here is the Wikipedia article on community organizing and what community organizers do:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_organizing
Sound like pretty important work to me; not to mention being the kind of thing that would help make a good president. Every president should have experience at this.
Here is a list of famous community organizers and their accomplishments:
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=39955037712&topic=6123
Of course, being a Republican, I can understand how you could see all of this as being unimportant. You people don’t give a flying crap about helping anyone; except for Wall Street CEOs, of course.
Here is a list of accomplishments Obama has done since taking office:
http://bestoftheblogs.com/Home/22497
And that doesn’t include the 20 billion dollar escrow account he just squeezed out of BP.
I tried finding an article about his accomplishments prior to becoming president, but if you try to do a google search containing the words “Obama” and “accomplishments, you just get a bunch of articles like the one above about what he’s done SINCE taking office.
Anyway, do a little research and think before you speak.
June 17, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Lauren
I like Sarah Palin, I think she is a respectable person. Your blog is quite rude.
June 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm
majii
The truth cannot be rude as it is bias free.
June 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm
malialitman
Lauren, I respect your right to be wrong. Malia
June 17, 2010 at 4:05 pm
akbright
Okay Kyle:
Provided tax cuts for 95 percent of working families.
Rebuilt an economy that is growing for the first time in over a year.
Cut job losses from almost 800,000 a month to 20,000 a month.
Made the largest investment in green technology in history.
Made the largest investment in education in history.
Lifted the ban on stem cell research and restored science to its rightful place.
Raised fuel standards after years of stagnation and objection.
Ended predatory credit card practices.
Made equal pay for equal work more than a platitude with the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.
Expanded health coverage to 4 million more low income American children with the expansion of SCHIP.
Expanded benefits for loving couples that work at the State Department.
Lifted the discriminatory, inhumane and unwise ban on immigration of those with HIV/AIDS.
Started a process to end the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy to allow patriotic Americans to serve and be true to themselves while we fight two wars.
Begun to responsibly wind down the war in Iraq.
Implemented a new way forward in Afghanistan in the face of withering criticism from the right and the left.
Enhanced American security by repairing our alliances and by restoring the rule of law and our standing in the world.
Successfully managed the outbreak of the H1N1 epidemic.
Prohibited lobbyists from serving on important boards and commissions.
Banned federal lobbyists and political action committees from contributing to the DNC.
Enhanced transparency by making all visitors who enter the White House and the names of those with whom they met publicly available.
June 17, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Mark
Yes, but did he bring back Arrested Development?
June 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm
malialitman
akbright, And don’t forget his appointment of the first Latina to the US Supreme Court. Malia
June 17, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Disparaged
akbright, thank you for outlining ALL the accomplishments of our POTUS as you put a lot of work into trying to educate Kyle. When one is not privy to the facts, due to listening ONLY to Faux Snooze, it’s easy to repeat the lies that Obama has accomplished nothing other than ‘shoving’ health care reform down our throats. When one is privy to ‘FACTS’ by seeking out reputable sources [like Media Matters that states 'only facts'] that will ‘educate’ others by having them ‘fact check’ every statement made, then one need not write unfounded / uneducated IGNORANT comments such as Kyle’s. I hope Kyle will do some research so he can understand what a HYPOCRITE and BLATANT LIAR Paylin is!
Malia, this post was FABULOUS!
June 17, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Peter Gatliff
I don’t like Sarah Palin. I think she alone with the Tea Party and the right wing are traitors to my country. As a former Marine and patriot I feel these people only preach hate.
June 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm
majii
Thank your for your service, Peter. People like you and those of us who love our country more than political affiliations and/or ideology are America’s true patriots.
June 17, 2010 at 4:47 pm
malialitman
Peter, I can’t tell you how very much I appreciate your comment, and your service. It amazes me that Palin acts like she is the champion of our service men and women. I hope we can do better than Palin for our people risking their lives for the country. Thank You! Malia
June 17, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Disparaged
Peter, you are absolutely right; Paylin and the tea partiers, as well as Faux Snooze ‘hosts’ ONLY PREACH HATE because they are RACISTS. They can’t get beyond Obama’s skin tone to actually see and hear what he has done and said. When a person is so full of HATE, they have allowed that hate to overtake their minds and live wretched lives [Paylin is so jealous of Obama because she though and believed SHE should have been our POTUS]. Their hearts are rocks and their bodies have acid coursing through their veins. They can’t think because their brains are eaten up with their hate. We should feel sorry for them, but they make it impossible to feel compassion.
Also thank you for your unselfish service to our country.
June 17, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Mark
Yes, we must build more dikes around the spill. Great big, deep dikes in the next couple of weeks. Yes, Sarah Palin for president. By all means.
June 17, 2010 at 6:18 pm
ron
just as a reminder, you are the bonehead.
June 17, 2010 at 6:19 pm
jazzpotato
I’m so glad I “Stumbled” into this page. Thank you so much for making me smile in the midst of all this tragedy!
June 17, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Jen
Awesome, lovely, wonderful and delicious. I’m sharing this with everyone I know!
June 17, 2010 at 9:56 pm
jazzpotato
Suze1941
For great insight into Mrs P from an Alaska blogger, look up Shannon Moore. She has a blog, and a twitter page (shannonmoore)
June 17, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Nancy 1951
Kyle, if you truly do want to educate yourself about what our President has or hasn’t accomplished, visit http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/. Otherwise, in a battle of wits, you’re going to be the unarmed person.
June 18, 2010 at 7:06 am
Josh
Malia. Before I start, know that I don’t hate you, I just think your are sadly mislead by years of progressive influence and indocrination. True, America still is a mostly free country (something you progressives don’t realize you are destroying) and you have a right to your opinion, but I must say you are just another misled progressive who has to put Sarah down because her awesome conservative, Godly attitude (and the good she represents) threatens you. (Deny that all you want, I don’t care). Sarah Palin represents all that is great about America. Sure, she is not perfect, but she’s better for this country than Obama is. (42% approval and going…..down) She is in no way dumb and not a fool, either. That is just what you progressives want your “sheep” to believe because you must destroy her. She (and many like her) stand in your way and are a force to be reckoned with. I pray she becomes President. But even if she doesn’t, the corrupt progressives will FAIL in their plans to turn America into a communist or worse, dictatorship nation. (We don’t need no stinking Chavez here!) With good and Godly people like Sarah, that kind of hell will NEVER happen. America will never fall as a result of being led by corrupt, ungodly, self centered progressive lefty loons, like Greece, Spain, France and others are now experiencing. Do you even see whats going on there, or do you turn a blind eye to it? No one in their right mind wants evil crap like that in America! We have one thing that those countries have never had, the Constitution! BTW. If you do not let this comment be published (or remove it afterwards), you will prove me right beyond the shadow of a doubt! If you do let it be published, then there is some hope for you. Do yourself a favor, read “The 5000 Year Leap”. Try to learn something besides progressive propaganda. And Planned Parenthood has killed more unborn babies than they will ever let their supporters know. I pray the truth will come out about them someday. Have a great day!
June 18, 2010 at 9:31 am
Erin
Josh,
get a clue….
yours is the typical of a response from the right
no real substance but you do have god on your side
that makes it all justified, pillage the planet, god is on our side,
no problem.
“do yourself a favor” and get over yourself.
June 18, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Charlotte
I just wanted to say how much I admire you. So many people have been silenced, due to fear, to say what is the real truth about Palin. We need many more people like to you to get the truth out about just how scarey this woman is. I registered as a Republican when I was old enough to vote. I switched to Independent after the election. I have NEVER voted party line and as I have matured I have become much more open-minded. As I watched and researched both parties during the last election, I became so disgusted with the McCain-Palin and the Republican party. It is a sad commentary about America that we have sat back and allowed these politicians to pervert our country. Add in how we have allowed our media to be so biased that they can LIE and not be held accountable. It is our duty to call “BULLSHIT” and we all have failed. So, instead of finger pointing and turning whats happening in the Gulf into a political arguement, we need to all come together and help fix it. We need to learn how to sacrifice a little bit more and help each other. I live in coastal SW Louisiana. We survived and came back from Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Down here we dont try to wait for help, we push up our sleeves and get to work. Thats what we do. I wish the rest of the country and especially the politicians would come together and do the same. Thank you.
June 22, 2010 at 11:34 pm
karen
Josh said “With good and Godly people like Sarah….”
Thanks for the laugh of the day!
July 9, 2010 at 7:55 am
Dennis
We love Sarah Palin and you are on the wrong side.
July 9, 2010 at 11:56 am
malialitman
Dennis, I was just wondering who is the “we” and what “side” are you on? I prefer the side of truth and facts and as far as I can tell Palin isn’t on either of those “sides”. Malia